


A Marriage Of Convenience

by pushupindrag



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Historical, Canon Disabled Character, Eventual Happy Ending, Light Angst and Fluff, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3988891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushupindrag/pseuds/pushupindrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1902 and the death of Steven Rogers' mother has left him in debt. And James Barnes is constantly pressured into marriage by his well to do neighbors from the next town over. The only option seems to be a forced marriage, and as the two go through with it, maybe their forced partnership could turn into something better after all?</p><p>(Rating/tags may be changed/added to)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be cliche as all hell, but I felt as though I had to write it. Feedback would be amazing as I'm not sure others will want to read it so con-crit or encouragement is always welcome :)
> 
> Un'beted so any mistakes are purely my own so please tell me if you find any :)

Steven’s mother died holding his hand, grip soft while she faded into the sheets. Leaving her distraught son and a mountain of debt behind her.

Steven had sat with the corpse all day, until his valet Sam had called the funeral parlour and they had sent people around to collet Sarah Roger’s body and funeral clothing. Steven hadn’t said a word. He had just watched, motionless, gripping his mother’s hand tightly when they had tried to take her away. Her wedding ring was tucked safely in his breast pocket after a teary goodbye the night before she had slipped away.

All he wanted was a few last moments with his mother.

Not allowed to cry, he had waited until they had had cleared out of his home, he waited while the debt collectors had leered around, sneering and threatening, and he had waited until the priest had come in to bless the house lest Sarah’s soul remained.

He cried when they left. Sobbing into his bed sheets, the mansion echoing his pain back to him. Eyes stained red and puffy. Thoughts of debts and souls leaving his mind as he cried for his mother. He cried for the memories they had shared and the ones that had been lost, for the ones they would never have. He didn’t move, eat or sleep for four days.

Steven himself didn’t care for the debt, and was more hurt over his mother dying. But there were people that cared, people who thought that the repossession of the few items in the Rogers empty mansion was the only solution. However, Sam Wilson, the only member of staff employed by the Rogers, thought otherwise.

“Steve, there are other options.” He draws the curtains of his master’s room. Letting the light fall onto the small lump in the bed. Steve was a sickly young man, and at 23 had already had so mainly ailments that even going outside, was occasionally not an option. The sunlight would, however, do him the world of good. Even if his groaning said otherwise.  
“What options? Homelessness? Death?”  
“Stop being so melodramatic, now get up. I have letters to write and you need to make us some brunch”  
“Is it really that late?” A tufty blonde head of hair peaks from under the covers and Sam nods before disappearing to go and contact some people about a certain blonde, hopeless man.

Steve lets things happen around him. He missed his mother terribly, as they were very close. They were each other’s reason for living and his future looked bleak without her wisdom and love. He goes through the motions, having taken to helping Sam around the mansion. Since his father’s death four years prior, most of the staff had been let go of. Apart from Sam. Sam was everything to the family, even if that family had whittled its way down to just Steve. So he makes a light breakfast of porridge and tea and sets the small table in the kitchen. Letting Sam get on with his schemes. Steve trusted Sam with his life, this time was no different.

//

The pressure on James was getting heavier. It was the annual dinner, his home filled with people he didn’t like but had to impress. Those from the nearest down, well to do people who thought his mysteriousness was a cover for an enormous wealth. They were delusional of course, the Barnes inheritance was quite large but it was nothing of grandeur. And the parties had started before James was even born, so tradition had to be upheld. He still hated it.

The pressure of marriage was a large one. At the age of 25, it was expected of him to have a lady on his arm and possibly a child. He had, nor cared for either. His reclusive lifestyle was down to the fact that he had no desire for either after the accident that left him without parents, or a left arm.

Bustling crowds that shifted with the music left him constantly talking, as the host it was his job. But again, that didn’t mean he had to like it. It was tolerable, but completely vile. None of the conversation was interesting, just nosy women and rich old men who wanted to do nothing more than gossip or gawk at his pinned sleeve.

He stays in his spot at the head of the room, letting the crowd shift around, seeing no point in doing any more work that he had to. It was getting late, and his suit was starting to become restricting around the collar.

“Lord Barnes” He refrains from pulling at said collar, smiling queasily at a short, balding man who was looking rather expectantly at him  
“Lord Henry, how are you this evening?”  
“Very well, I just came over to see how you were getting on” James bit on his tongue. Another reason to ask if he was traumatized or getting married, more often both. This was the seventh time he had heard those exact words in one evening  
“Oh I’m perfectly fine Lord Henry. Keeping the estate and whatnot” James makes himself smile again  
“Ah, the arm not giving you trouble?” This was bold, others had danced around it  
“None at all. I’m perfectly healthy”  
“And what about a woman?” The whisky on the Lords breath was hitting James now. So that must be the reason for the boldness.  
“Nothing I’m afraid. Now I must be doing the last rounds Sir” He bows his head, escaping to the other side of the room. Smiling in relief as some people start filing out.

Later that evening, Romanov, his housekeeper, knocks on his door, smirking as she sees his weary expression  
“You could just get married James, Take some of the weight off”  
“Don’t tease Natasha” He sighs, untucking his shirt and undoing his top buttons, letting himself breathe again. “You know my stance”  
“I do. But I have a friend, a friend who has a ward that’s in a similar situation”  
“What do you mean?” He pours himself a drink, water as drinking gave him an awful headache  
“A friends ward needs someone to marry to pay off a debt. Lovely little blonde from what I’ve heard.”  
“Are they pleasant?”  
“An artist type, their mother has just died”  
“Hence the money”  
“They have quite a nervous disposition but wouldn’t be opposed” It sounded ideal. They wouldn’t have to do anything, just signed papers and money swapped. There was enough room in his halls to not bother each other if needs be. It seemed perfect.  
“Could you get them to write me then?”  
“I’ll have a reply by morning Sir”.


	2. Chapter 2

The reply comes quickly. Lord Barnes seemed to agree to the terms that Sam had set, Steven unable to think much at this point.  
  
“So, Steve” Sitting across from each other at the table, Sam pushes across the few letters that had been sent across two days. The first proposal from him to Natasha Romanov, house keeper of the Barnes Estate. The reply back accepting the offer, the terms set and then the acceptance of the terms.  
  
“Sam?” A bleary blink is Steven’s response as he looks at the paper, scanning it “What would this mean for me?”  
“A wedding,a loving husband, your debt paid off and you can keep the majority of your things”  
“But?”  
“You would have to move to the country onto a large estate and get married”  
“To a man”  
“I know you aren’t opposed, don’t start searching for excuses” Steven puts his head into his hands. Thinking it all over.

It seemed like a good idea, he would be cared for, be able to move to a place that would possibly better his ailments and he would be free of debt. He would also be able to move from his death riddled home.  
  
“Would you come with me?” The innocent behind his statement reminds Sam how young the man actually is, how much he’d been through.  
“Of course”  
“Is Lord Barnes nice?”  
“From what Natasha has told me”  
“Wait Natasha as in, beautiful radiant red headed woman Natasha Romanov, Natasha?”  
“Yes.” The blush doesn’t have to be seen to be there.  
  
“Okay, could I have the address please?” Steve wanted to write himself. See if he could talk to Lord Barnes and see if the man was actually nice after all. “Wait what are the terms?”  
“I was waiting for you to ask,” Sam pushes aside the dirty dishes   
“So?”  
“The wedding would be on the day of your moving in. Your luggage would be sent on later. Lord Barnes is marrying you to keep away prying eyes as his life is rather reclusive so that would mean you also being reclusive. There would be obligatory attendance of one formal dinner party per year to uphold tradition and the wedding would be a formal and public affair within the estate”  
“That’s not so bad”  
“You would also have to pretend to be a woman for the wedding and the dinners, as of course you know society frowns upon both of your lifestyle choices” Steve is left speechless.  
“Pardon?”  
“You would have to put on the pretense of being a woman for the wedding and the annual dinners”  
“And that’s it?”  
“That’s it.”  
“Could I sleep on it?”  
“You have until tomorrow.”

//

James is crunching down on a piece of toast, reading through the day’s paper two days later when the post arrives.   
“Thank you Jessica” He thanks the girl who brings it and shifts through the pile until he finds the unrecognizable handwriting. Natasha warned that Lord Rogers would write to him to gain a familiarity after the acceptance of the wedding came through. It would help ease both their worries at the least for the wedding, which would be in three weeks time.

_Dear Lord Barnes,  
So it seems that we are to be married within the next few weeks. I believe Sam and Ms Romanov are having a very enjoyable time planning things out. I would like to know if you would prefer anything specific for the wedding? I would help plan colour schemes and invites but I am afraid that those are not my forte. I do believe that it would be preferable to write to each other beforehand to make the first meeting less awkward. If not and this is purely formal, then please go ahead and inform me as I do not want my efforts to be wasted._

_Kind Regards, SR_

James smiles as he reads, looking over the neat script. Lord Rogers seemed polite at least.

He tucks the letter into his breast pocket as he finishes his lunch and looking through the rest of the mail. Most of them were invitations. Those he left to the side for Natasha to decline for him.

His work mainly consisted of looking over account books, as he helped run the bank in town, but sent over the paperwork as the manager understood his need for discretion. The set up was favorable. James didn’t have to leave the house, but he still had a steady income and could continue keeping his brain active, numbers came to him easily. His study was the perfect place to work, large windows let light in from the overcast skies and if his mind started to wander, the green fields outside often bought him back to the present.

The cold was causing the phantom aches to worsen, so the work itself is slow going as James complained to himself under his breath, thankful that it was his left arm that he had lost and not the right. Always trying to find the positive in the terrible situation. Just to get him through the work.

“Tea sir” He looks up from the numbers, scrubbing at his eyes with the cuff of his shirt. It was loose, and the missing sleeve had been sewn up to avoid it catching on things. His staff didn’t mind his casual appearance as long as they could slack a little. And he was nothing if not fair, so he excused any sloppy dressing unless the estate had visitors. His staff prided themselves on being the best in the country though despite their small number, and would try to dress proper anyway, even if their boss allowed slacking.

The home itself had six bedrooms, three being en-suits and one turned into a study. The staff quarters had the entire upper floor with two separate bathrooms, and the attic was hardly used. Downstairs held two more floors, the ground holding the kitchen and enormous dining room along with a spacious lounge, and then the first holding two libraries, a second study and a more casual lounging area.

The home was always warm and comfortable, and the stable outside were always welcoming. James adored his home, and was extremely fond of everyone in it after growing up with most of them.

“Yes, thank you Trudy” The cook brings in his tea and he smiles up at her, taking the tray from her to put across from his work  
“I hear we may be getting a new addition” The old woman makes conversation as she tries to fuss about him, having done so since he was born  
“Yes, I think we will. Has Natasha told everybody?”  
“Yes she has” A smile “I’ll be glad. Should get you talking more”  
“You know me Trudy, Mr Chatterbox. Did you get your medication?” Her hands weren’t what they used to be as they riddled with pain on occasion. Not that the cook would admit.   
“I did and this one is working”  
“I’m very glad”  
“Thank you sir” She nods and leaves, leaving James to finish his work, sipping as he goes.

Once done, half the pot gone already he takes out a new sheet of paper and pen, flourished from the box of paper he kept in one corner

_Dear SR,_

_I am aware of the joy that planning brings Natasha, she and Mr Wilson must have that in common. I believe writing would be a good idea, there is only three weeks to the wedding after all (I hope that we share our nervousness). And I am also hopeless, and I believe that my choices would only make the wedding unbearable what with my lack of sense regarding colours. I am aware of you wanting to wear your mother’s wedding ring which is a beautiful idea. But aside from that I make no requests. The guests for the wedding will be those from the town over and I hope you don’t mind them as my part of the agreement for the wedding was to be free from their pressure as you well know. Be prepared to smile through gritted teeth. Is there anything you would like to know prior to your moving?_

_Yours sincerely, JBB_

The shorthand worked wonders as it would give them both something that made the idea of a forced marriage more casual. James approved.

He finished the letter and sealed it, leaving in the ‘to mail’ box on his desk to be sent with the afternoon post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though there's something wrong here? Like either date or spelling wise but I can't find anything so it may just be me being paranoid!! (If you find it please tell me, I don't have a beta). Side note, i'm going to try and update every friday, but don't be surprised if I don't keep to it as I probably wont. I'll try my best though :)


	3. Chapter 3

Steve was still unsure about the wedding. Was he really going to be that person that married for money? However nice Lord Barnes seemed. And wearing a dress? Okay, so he wasn’t exactly opposed as his mother’s wedding dress was beautiful, and her ring fit him nicely as he always had had slender hands. But what about Lord Barnes’ ring? Was Lord Barnes even aware that Steve was a man? There’d been no indication of gender within the letters. Should he tell him? Or would that break the engagement. Because that was this was. An engagement.

He was, significantly nervous, and no matter how much cajoling Sam tried was enough to get him out of his stupor. The debt collectors hadn’t been around yet, having been informed of the arrangement. But it terrified him regardless. What if Lord Barnes was not the nicest of people and made the situation redundant? He would rather be homeless that live with somebody abusive or cruel. What if Lord Barnes was not as nice as he came across. Not much was known about him, Sam knew barely anything, just what Ms Romanov had told him. How could he trust this woman? How could Sam trust this woman?

Steve squints in the gloom, using the last of the daylight to write

_Dear JBB,_

_I was wondering about your own ring, do you have one that has been passed down? And I am aware of the no sense with colour as I am colour blind.  And you would be correct, I am also nervous. But I believe that nerves are good in this situation as it shows caution which is a good thing for us both to have. I am aware of the arrangement for the wedding, and I believe that my things are being moved on the night of the wedding. However, I’m not sure how many things I can bring with me? The furniture won’t be coming as those are getting repossessed, but I was wondering about personal belongings as I have a few art supplies and my mother’s things._

_Sam is quite enjoying his time planning, could the same be said about Ms Romanov?_

_Yours SR_

He feels better after writing, and was glad that Lord Barnes was being so cooperative about his approach, as he knew that normally this was not the done thing.

He gets a reply the next day, Sam pushing it towards him as he sorts through the mail. He was quite nervous about reading it, the pair barely knew each other, and Steve had no idea how Lord Barnes would react to him being colour blind, there was a reason he was hiding his other ailments.

_Dear SR,_

_Colour blind, that’s interesting. Is it severe? And yes I have my own ring, please cease your worrying, as I can tell you already are doing. And you can bring anything you want, the manor has well enough room for it. And please do bring your art supplies, Natasha told me you were a creative type but I wasn’t sure in what area. I used to play piano, but obviously I am unable to do so anymore. I would love to see your work, and possibly how you work? I have never been good at art so I would love to see how you get your ideas and how you get them from your mind to paper. And if you are an artist how does your colourblind-ness affect that? Terribly sorry if that question is over stepping my boundaries._

_And yes, Natasha is enjoying this immensely._

_Yours JBB_

_//_

Natasha was enjoying planning the wedding, and took pride in showing her plans to James every evening after he had had supper.  
“So the ceremony is going to be in the gardens, preferably in the morning so we can have everybody out straight after the dinner. There won’t be any long reception, just the dinner so that you can get to know Lord Rogers better without being extremely awkward for four plus hours”  
“That’s a good idea, have you sent out the invitations?”  
“Those are due out tomorrow” She pulls out a neat stack of paper and lets him look over the handwritten invitations. They were simple and tasteful, but had an air of coldness about then regardless. This was why Natasha was best at these things. Then, she’s taking them from his hands to put a seating arrangement in place “You and Steve will be seated at the head of the table, the rest of the names are listed and then placed. I have taken the gossip in town into account and have placed people accordingly”  
“You can’t have you know that Ms Turner and Mr Fraiser can’t sit together as they hate eachother-“ He trails off, leaving Natasha to grin smugly at him  
“I assure you, I did.”

He holds off any comments, and switches the table plan for the seating plan outside.  
“The wedding will be at the head between the two fountains so that the seats are a little way away, the minister won’t question if Lord Rogers doesn’t exactly look like a lady”  
“Wait, if the wrong pronouns are used, and names, doesn’t that make the wedding void?” James worries, coming to the realisation. It could be a large flaw in the plan, not so much for him as he just needed the presence of a significant other. But for Lord Rogers, who needed the money with the marriage, the only thing making the transaction legal.  
“Not if the papers signed afterwards are correct”  
“I’m extremely glad you’re on my side”  
“So am I. With me and Sam in charge everything should go off without a hitch. Nobody of authority with importance is attending, and nobody here will say anything about Lord Rogers being male. I made sure of that”  
“Natasha” His tone goes firm “You can’t threaten others, what have I told you” He knew little of what Natasha had been through, he never wanted to push his friend, because that was what she was, to give up any information she didn’t want to share. However, that didn’t he would let her get away with anything that would harm his staff. She had only been there for a few years, not long enough to call any shots that he didn’t approve of.  
“I didn’t have to, I just briefed them on what was going to happen. Nobody said a bad word.”  
“Oh” He looks down, a little ashamed to have assumed. But he was well within his rights.  
“Don’t worry about it James, now let’s get back to planning this wedding”  
“I thought you and Mr Wilson were planning it”  
“It is your wedding you know” She laughs at him, and then continues to tell him what had been planned out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters are quiet short, but i've only really been planning around 1000 words for each one (so far), so i'm sorry if things aren't moving along quickly, they should be soon :)


	4. Chapter 4

The letters were getting more frequent now, and Steve was starting to look forward to them. Finding out about Lord Barnes was interesting, and knowing little things made him feel a little better as he felt closer to the man.

_Dear JBB,_

_You aren’t overstepping your bounds at all. And it used to affect me, until my mother got me help. Now I can judge what colours actually are and use them accordingly. You honestly would not want to watch me work as it’s tedious and I often retreat into my own head, I have been told that I am terrible company when I paint or draw. And I hate to pry, but why can’t you play piano anymore? Also, I feel as though we should try and start asking more questions? As I don’t want to go into this wedding without knowing, say, what you do for a job. Or what you do in your free time._

_Yours SR_

He isn’t waiting long for a reply

_Dear SR_

_Thank goodness, I didn’t want to offend you. I’m sure you aren’t tedious to watch, nor terrible company. You come across as a person who is easy to get along with. From your letters at least. And I thought you knew, as everybody else seems to. But I lost my left arm in an accident a few years ago. It still affects me a little, but I can do things fine. Anyway, I agree we should know thing about each other. Natasha said that you were a ward? Although for what reasons she did not disclose. And I work for the bank from home. It’s mainly just number work, and sorting through peoples accounts. And in my free time, well I have little free time. But I have three horses who take up most of any free time I have._

_Yours JBB_

Over the next few weeks Steve starts to look forward to the letters that Lord Barnes sends even more. They had been trading information back and forth, during that time Steve had learned that Lord Barnes loved horses, had lost his parents like Steve and had a large private library that he would spend all day in if he could. The wedding was only a few days away and he was still nervous. The dress fit well, the hem just had to be taken up a few inches, but other than that there were no problems.  
“Your makeup will be done at the wedding” Sam had assured, and then told Steve that he would also be wearing a veil which relieved most of Steve’s worries. If he was covered he wouldn’t be discovered.

From what Sam had said, the wedding would be a large but quiet affair. With mostly strangers from the town and the staff in attendance. The ceremony would be short, and Steve would first see Lord Barnes at the alter. The dinner afterwards would also be short, Ms Romanov had assured, and then Steve things would be moved in and he would be settled. From there, well, they hadn’t really spoken.

That’s where his nerves kicked in again, what would he do in the manor? Would be still be able to talk with Sam freely? What was the general routine of the house? Would he and Lord Barnes stay in separate rooms or share one? What would he eat? Would he have to tell Lord Barnes about all his sicknesses? What I he was found out? At this point did Lord Barnes know he wasn’t even a woman?

//

James lies awake the night before the wedding, staring up at the ceiling. His clothes had been laid out on his desk chair, but he hadn’t been able to look at them. His nerves had started to crop up about the wedding, no matter how nice Lord Rogers had seemed. What if he didn’t realise how bad James’ injuries actually were? What if he reacted badly to James’s night terrors or didn’t like him? What if this was all an elaborate hoax to get him thrown in jail? What if Rogers was cruel to his staff? Or cruel to him? What if he didn’t like his room, or the grounds?

Trying to steady his breathing, James focuses on the things he knows about Lord Rogers, the positive things. Rogers was slight of build, blonde with blue eyes. The man was an artist, and had tried to work for years but couldn’t due to things that were unknown. He was colour blind, and his best friend was also his head of a now non-existent staff. Sam Wilson would also be accompanying Rogers as his valet, as they would not be parted. Rogers would wear his mother’s wedding ring and seemed to be a natural worrier. The dress apparently fit well, and was looking forward to the shortness of the wedding. He had little things of his own other than some clothes and art supplies, most of his things were his mother’s that he refused to throw away or let the debt collectors have as ‘she wouldn’t want that for her things’. He liked dogs, but was allergic to cats and couldn’t hold a tune but liked singing anyway.

He falls asleep clinging to this knowledge, trying not to think about the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is shorter than usual (I'm sorry, I know the chapters are quite short regardless), but it's really just a filler because the next chapter is the wedding and I didn't want to drag it out. I am quite excited!! (I'm thinking chapters should be getting longer from here but no promises).


	5. Chapter 5

Steve has a panic attack on the way to the wedding.

His makeup would be done there, as Sam had not idea about makeup. But the dress was fitted to him perfectly, and he found that the shoes weren’t the hardest to walk in given that they were flat.   
“Steve, Steve look at me” Sam crouches in the carriage as it rides along the bumpy roads. Steve snaps a glare at him, pulling the blanket he had around him closer  
“I’m fine, I’m alright.” He tries to regulate his breathing and succeeds a little, drinking the tea Sam gives him from a flask. “I just, I’m nervous”  
“You have cold feet already?” Sam tries to joke but it falls flat. Instead, Steve watches as his friend sits opposite him, casting worried glances his way before settling down, looking over everything Ms Romanov had sent over regarding the wedding.

The day itself was bright and sunny, perfect for the outdoor ceremony. But Steve couldn’t really see anything good about it. He gets out the last letter Lord Barnes had sent.

_Dear SR_  
  
It’s okay if you want to back out. I, and everybody else would understand. Please do not feel obliged, however, I feel that the marriage would be the best for the both of us. And even though we don’t know each other personally, we will soon. And I have a feeling that we should get on very well.

_Yours faithfully JBB_

Who was Steve to refuse that?

So, he grits his teeth and holds onto the edge of his seat. Waiting until the carriage would pull up at his new home.  
  
//

It’s not long before they do, and Steve gasps when he sees the place. It was extensive, with well-kept gardens and the home itself was beautiful. It was nicely decorated for the occasion, with banners surrounding the open front door. Sam whistled lowly next to him as the carriage drew up.

“Home sweet home” Steve sighs before he’s helped out, unable to see anything more in detail as he’s rushed to one of the rooms of the house.

“Good morning Lord Rogers, I am Natasha Romanov” A red head sits him down, looking him over with a critical eye “I am the head housekeeper here, and will also be doing your makeup today.”  
“Ms Romanov, hello. Sam told me all about you” Steve goes to shake her hand, trying to keep the queasiness form his voice.   
“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay you know. James is lovely”  
“I’de like to hope so” Steve stop’s trying to smile, letting Natasha start on his makeup.

“The wedding should start in about thirty minutes or so, enough time for us to finish here and for you to gather your thoughts” Romanov explains as she starts to dab at Steve’s face “I won’t do all of your make up as you will be wearing the veil. But enough to make your face believable”  
“Thank you” Ms Romanov seemed nice, if closed off. And Steve found himself not wanting to get on the wrong side of her. She was very no nonsense, but her smile was kind.  
“You’re very welcome.”

They continue in silence until she’s finished. Looking him over once again she flounces off, proclaiming that she needs to tend to things and leaves Steve alone in the parlor room. Sam had left, going to help out so Steve was utterly alone.

Apparently with only minutes to spare. He doesn’t even have a chance to get into his own head with worry before there’s another knock at the door. Quickly, he fixes the veil, running his hands over the dress. It was more tightly fit today, laced up at the back, long sleeves turned at his wrist.   
  
“Ready” He calls, and the door opens, Sam smiling widely at him  
“Come on then Mrs Barnes” Steve doesn’t do anything at the comment, even if he does want to smack his friend. Instead, he walks slowly through the door, thankful he wasn’t wearing heels.

His head’s spinning too much for him to take in his surroundings, but there’s only a couple of corridors before he’s at the back of the crowd outside.

The sun was out still, and the crowd was murmuring quietly in a dull roar. Nobody had noticed him yet except the man waiting at the aisle, but the hesitancy in Steve’s body must show as he doesn’t wave his hand for the music to start. Again, Steve can’t breathe. Every worry he has, every doubt and ill thought rush at him at once.

He runs.

Breaking away from Sam to dash back into the house. Throwing the veil out behind him, letting it tug at his hair. He gets inside, people swiftly moving out of his way as he runs back to the parlor, slamming the door shut behind him. Refusing to cry, he gasps for air, unwilling to bring on Ms Romanovs wrath if he smudges his makeup.

Breath hitching, he jumps as there’s a gentle knock on the door.  
“Hello? Can I come in? It’s James” James Barnes. The man Steve was supposed to be marrying. The one who didn’t know he was a man. The one who would have to find out sooner or later.  
“Come in” Steve croaks, wincing as the door cracks open, a body slipping inside with the door closing behind.

“I can’t do this” Steve had turned away, not wanting to look at the other man. The guilt was going to kill him. It was dishonest if he kept the fact from him until after the wedding. Then everything would be ruined. He would ruin both of their lives, and then Lord Barnes would hate him forever. “I can’t do this” He repeats, shaking with fear and uneven breathing.  
“Wait, I mean-“ James sounded so kind in person, understanding. So Steve would just have to get it over with, spare them both any further trouble   
“I can’t do this. I can’t ruin everything” He swallows “I can’t carry on like this. I can’t actively ruin everything, I can’t lie!” He was getting hysterical, he could hear it in his voice. Arms wrapping around himself, he bows his head “You seem so kind, I can’t ruin that for you. I can’t ruin any life you could have!”  
  
“Wait a minute, come here” James tries to soothe, watching as Lord Rogers tore himself apart. The man was extremely slight in person, thin as a whip and looked as though he could break just as easily. James couldn’t understand what the man was ’lying’ about. Instead of wondering, he holds his arm out, gently holding onto the other man’s sleeve and turning him around. Steve, that’s what Natasha told James his name was, hides behind his hands, blushing in shame.  
“I’m sorry” He chokes out, backing away.  
“For what?”  
“Lying to you?”  
“About what?”  
“About being a man” Steve shrieks, throwing his arms down and looking as if he wanted to die.  
“Wait what?” That threw James for a loop. He knew about this? Why didn’t Steve know that he knew this?

“Steve” He tries, reaching out again. Steve looks out, eyes a breathtaking blue, looking like a startled deer. “Steve, come here.” He sits them down on one of the couches by the covered window, Steve on the side of his arm. “Steve, I know. I’ve known since the beginning” James smiles, ducking his head down to meet Steve’s eye.  
“Pardon?” Steve’s voice was small, but he looks at James anyway.  
“I know you’re a man. Have done since the beginning” He gently pushes their shoulders together “You aren’t ruining anything,” He gets a good look at the man he was going to marry. Underneath the makeup he was handsome, with a strong jawline and the prettiest blue eye James had ever seen.  
“Really?”  
“I wouldn’t marry you if you were. It helps that you seem very nice, and you’re quite attractive” Steve finally laughs, one of relief and bashfulness. The sound, sounds stupidly like music to James’ ears  
“You aren’t so bad yourself” Steve pushes his shoulder back, grinning now. His breathing back to normal.

Steve looks James over. Finally looking properly. He was lovely, with neatly styled hair and a charming smile. His lack of arm didn’t even seem to bother him, and Steve wouldn’t really have noticed at all if his senses weren’t on hyper alert.  
“So are we going to scam these old rich bigots or what?” James questions, jostling him again. Giving him another winning smile.  
“Yes, yes okay” Steve nods, before standing and fixing his veil again. Letting James twitch it a little into place properly. “Lets do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't gonna split the wedding into two chapters, but it had to be done seeing as though this got away from me a little!!


	6. Chapter 6

They walk down the aisle together, the audience not bothering to be polite and stop their gossip as the pair stopped at the altar. The music started up as they walked, Steve managing not to trip on his feet, clutching at James’ arm.

Stopping at the end, Steve turns to face James head on and smiles nervously. James returning it. Trying to focus on that, and not the overwhelming sense of anxiety that he feels, Steve blanks out the minister as they stand there. He remembers talking, automated responses as his answers and a stifled snort at James who was cracking up beside him. Barely remembering to soften his voice so that it’s higher and meeker. He had practised this ten times over, so it’s mainly due to muscle memory that he manages to stutter out an  
“I do” At the end there.

James was trying and succeeding not to laugh at the situation. It was absurd, here he was, marrying another man in a dress who had previously just nearly worried him to death with his outburst but had the prettiest face James had ever seen. The man himself was jittering slightly on the balls of his feet, and James’ smile grows even wider. This was ridiculous. The minsters words were going over his head, he was just answering what he had practised. Which was why he found himself stifling giggles. Avoiding looking at the crowd who had now quietened to watch, he first looks down at his feet, then at Steve who clocks his look and snorts quietly, prompting James to do it back and have to throw a hand over his mouth, turning to the minister slightly to mask it.

Shoulders shaking now with silent laughter, he gasps into his hand trying to regain his breath. The minister, to his credit, just carried on droning on, waiting patiently for either man to answer. The rings were bought up by Sam and shaking hands put them both on, but for want of laughing and not crying.  
“I do” He manages to snort out.  
  
“Then you may kiss the bride.” James looks at Steve, able to get the veil out of the way before going for it, not giving a second hesitation before gently kissing his now husband (or wife technically) on the lips. It’s short, because James doesn’t want to encroach on Steve, but it’s nice all the same.

Steve was left reeling from the simple kiss, and has a second to think ‘yes, I’m screwed’ before James is leading him back down the aisle and into the house.  
  
“We’re gonna have your makeup re-done for the dinner, and we’re gonna talk for a minute” He says, directly into Steve’s ear and leads him back onto the parlour room, which Steve was coming to appreciate. They get sat down, waiting for Natasha and Sam.  
“So, you’re going to have to keep this act up through dinner.” James begins “Voice and all, but if you don’t want to speak then I can do that for you with permission. It’s not uncommon unfortunately” Steve watches him grimace before smiling again “Then after everyone leaves we can move everything to your room and talk about the living arrangements and what happens in the house hold and such.”  
“My room?” Steve asks, looking to the door as Sam and Natasha still hadn’t arrived. They were probably seeing to the guests.  
“Well of course, I’m not going to force you into bed with me.” James looks appalled at the thought, and Steve takes comfort in that.

Interrupting, Natasha and Sam come in and the conversation is cut off.  
“Alright Steve” Sam grins “That went well. Now we just have to prep you both for dinner.”  
“James, you need to redo your tie, it’s gone crooked. Steve I will handle your makeup. Sam, go and help James” Natasha directs, steering Steve to sit down at a table where the makeup was still laid out. Steve glances over to watch as Sam helps James straighten everything and fix his hair. “Look at me” Natasha directs, “Now I’m going to put more on than last time. But nothing as strong as foundation. You have lovely skin”  
“Thank you” Steve mutters, before looking directly up as Natasha waves a stick? At his eyes that she runs over his lashes  
“Mascara, as your eyeshadow is still in place” The eyeshadow had been a pale pink, similar to the blush on his cheeks and a slightly lighter shade than the lipstick on his mouth. All of this gets reapplies again, carefully but quickly.

“Now, you’re sat at the head of a table with one place separating you both form the rest of the guests. You will be under scrutiny, so how are you wanting to play this?” Natasha questions  
“I think,” Steve muses “I think James should do all the talking.”  
“Good idea” Sam nods “And no speaking out of turn” He warns Steve who just nods back, which Natasha glares at him for  
“What do you mean?” James asks, re-buttoning his suits blazer  
“Steve has a habit, a bad habit, of causing altercations” Sam smirks over and Steve can feel himself turning inwards with embarrassment.  
“I speak out if somebody is being mistreated” He defends.

James’ heart melts just a little at the pride in Steve’s voice and the idea it came from. Steve, who was small and sickly, still tried to defend those who needed it.  
“So” Natasha straightens up, Steve standing up as she goes “Let’s begin shall we?” James takes Steve’s hand as they leave the room, waiting to be led into the dining hall.

The hall had been decorated in a modest but tasteful fashion. And the guests were all seated, most looking uncomfortable and irritated.  
“That’s Natasha’s doing” James whispers into Steve’s ear as he looks upon the slightly smug features of the man. Steve just nods, batting his eyelashes as people turn to look at them. James had to give him props, he was very good. They go to get seated at the head of the tables, just like Natasha promised, but James stays standing. Knowing he had to make a speech.  
  
“Welcome, everybody. Thank you for attending the wedding, it means a lot that you all came” He was bullshitting his way through this spectacularly “to witness the union between me and my lovely wife” He stalls, they hadn’t come up with a name beyond the last “Mary” He knew at least four Mary’s, it wasn’t uncommon. “I’ll keep this short as I can smell the food already” A smattering of polite laughter “Please enjoy your meals, and thanks you again for being in our company” He raises his glass, one already filled with red wine and others do the same. “Cheers.”

James sits down next to Steve, and Steve grabs his hand, winking subtly. Playing up to the act.  
“So,” There was a nice woman, who James though her name was Elisabeth on their right. Thank you Natasha “How did you both meet?”  
“Well” Bucky swallows, they hadn’t really gone over the story. They should have. But they hadn’t. He hopes Steve won’t mind the story “It was originally an arranged marriage.” He supplies, and the girl looks enthralled “But then we met, and I think it was love at first sight” He rubs his thumb along Steve’s knuckles who leans into him slightly, smiling serenely. Nodding.  
“Oh how wonderful, I’m glad it worked out for the both of you”  
“So are we.” James nods, and then leans back as the food is served. “Thank you”  
“Thank you” Steve nods next to him at his server who smiles brightly back. At least they all seemed to like him.

All James’ staff knew about Steve, they knew he was a man and the predicament, even if they only had the basic outline.  
“So, James” One of the less nosey men sat on Steve’s right “Did you enjoy the ceremony? You seemed to be getting a little choked up towards the end there” He winks, moustache moving a little oddly, so James knows he isn’t really prying, just teasing a little. That doesn’t mean he would reveal he was actually laughing though.  
“Oh yes, just a little bit. And it was beautiful, did I see Mrs Gordon crying?” The man nudges his wife next to him with a large smile. They were both happy together, and had been for over twenty years. They were both lovely people, when it came right down to it. Not everybody in the town were bad.  
“You might have” Mrs Gordon replies with a smile “You two are lovely together”  
“Thank you very much.”

The dinner is finished without much else happening, Steve was just happy to be silent during it. Only muttering manners to the servers. He was getting tired, so he has to stifle yawns as everybody finishes and files out, congratulating them on the way. Leaving just Steve and James with the staff. It was getting late, as the dinner had taken quite a while so while the staff were clearing everything away, Steve gets ushered upstairs by James and Sam.  


They stop outside an open door, boxes partially filling the room.  
“Here’s your room” James smiles, “Mine’s just down the hall if you need anything. Tomorrow you’ll properly met the staff and I’ll give you a tour of the place.”  
“Thank you James” Steve looks up at him before looking back into the room, ready to take off the makeup still on his face  
“Please call me Bucky, only Natasha calls me James” A little grimace  
“Bucky?”  
“My middle name is Buchanan, it’s a childhood nickname” Now he’s looking embarrassed, turning away  
“I think its sweet” Steve says decisively before motioning to move into the room. Sam was already in there, looking through the boxes. Bucky seems to jump, breaking the eye contact Steve had tried to make  
“Oh yes, okay. Goodnight.”  
“Goodnight Bucky” Another smile, the man always seemed to be smiling. Then he skitters off, leaving Steve to go into his new room and shuffle Sam out who was chuckling quietly to himself about something. Steve closes the door firmly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh wedding over! Everything should move a little quicker now (although I cant promise longer chapters).
> 
> Also I have a tumblr now (one for Captain America/Marvel anyway) which is [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) if you wanna come chat/cry with me about stucky. It's just a little sideblog though.


	7. Chapter 7

“So” The next morning’s breakfast was a little awkward, to say the least. Steve was seated on Bucky's left, the name rolled off his tongue better than James did, so he was happy to think of him as Bucky. And was watching in silence as James stumbled through some paperwork blearily. The staff were going about as if it were normal, and if the smiles at his grunts were anything to go by then Steve was going to take them as manners. They were nothing but nice to Steve, and the cook came up herself.  
“Ahh Steven” She had greeted warmly, smiling “I’m Trudy, head cook. I was wondering if you preferred anything for breakfast?”  
“Toast?” Steve had asked, unused to being waited on now.  
“Of course” The cook had smiled, before bustling away, Steve barely managing a  
“Thank you” As she walked away to the kitchens.

“Bucky?” Steve asks, starting to worry about the silence.  
“What? Oh yes, good morning Steve!” He startles, looking up at Steve. “Don’t you look chipper. Terribly sorry, I’m not a morning person at all”  
“Don’t worry about it” Steve smooths over “I was just wondering what the plans were for today?”  
“Well, I thought I could give you a tour of the place. And introduce you to everybody. Go over everything.”  
“Everything?” Steve bites into his toast  
“Oh, the staff working here. What I do here, what you can do. Things like that” Steve returns the broad smile shot his way, spilling toast crumbs everywhere. He ducks his head, feeling himself heat up with embarrassment. Bucky was a well-respected lord, and here he was, spilling toast everywhere from his mouth.

“That’s nothing,” Bucky can see Steve’s embarrassment. But at what? A few fallen crumbs? “I had thrown a party here a few years back, spat food all down one of the ladies dresses”  
“How did you manage that?”  
“I think I choked? But I’m not entirely sure” Steve doesn’t laugh, but he smiles and his shoulders relax.  
“Alright then” Bucky finishes his coffee in one gulp, standing. “Let’s show you the grounds”  
“Aren’t we a little underdressed?” Both were just wearing loose shirts and slacks  
“Well” Bucky thinks “You might need a coat. Nobody here minds if you dress down. To be fair, I spend most of my time in my undershirts”  
“Ok then.”

How was Steve supposed to act? Bucky seemed casual about everything regarding his home and staff. But Steve was new, he didn’t want to make a bad impression on those within the house. It wasn’t his home yet.  
“Go get your coat” Bucky prompts him, bringing him out of his head “I’ll show you the grounds and stables first. Then we can tackle the inside of the house”  
“Alright.” Steve goes to fetch his coat, the warmest one he had considering how dull it looked outside, and meets Bucky at the front door.

“Now, the grounds are kept by the three gardeners. I’ll introduce you as we meet them. They keep everything in order.” The front gardens were lovely. Flowers graced the flowerbeds under the windows and the laws were trim and neat. Steve trailed alongside Bucky as Bucky played tour guide  
“They’re beautiful” He could see so many things to draw, just in one place.  
“Wait until you see the back” Bucky tells him, and indeed was correct. As the rounded the large home, Steve was knocked a little breathless. There were fields for miles, but the immediate garden is what caught his eye. It was bursting with colour, the main back doors led to a porch with swing set and outdoor dining set. While the kitchen door led to a small vegetable garden on the right. The centre held a flower garden, with paths twisting and benches at every turn. Cobbled and inviting. To the back left held stables, and Steve could hear movement from inside.  
  
“Come on, my gardeners also double as my stable owners. We have three horses. Two were my parents, one is mine. I try to ride daily” Bucky had come alive, talking about his horses, so Steve tries to feign excitement. He had never ridden a horse, and he was not entirely sure he ever wanted to. They always seemed so, energetic. And knowing Steve’s luck, he would be thrown right off immediately.

“Beck, Tommy. Where’s Greg?”  
“Greg’s taken Storm out”  
“Well, I guess Steve will have to meet them later. Beck, Tommy. This is Steve” Steve holds his hand out for them to shake, and they both look a little confused before shaking it. It’s not unkind though. It takes him a few moments to realise he was above them in rank, and bowing would have sufficed. Bucky doesn’t seem bothered, he just starts chatting away “Winter is mine” Bucky leads him to a large black horse “Storm was my fathers, and Bonny was my mother’s” Bucky directs to the second stable, not taking his hand away from his horse. Steve’s greeted with a smaller chestnut horse who stamps a little at him. She was smaller than Winter, with white rings around her eyes.  
“Hey, hey it’s okay” Steve soothes, approaching cautiously. Winter hadn’t reacted to him at all considering Bucky was there. But this was a little different. He sidles up, hands out like he would with a dog. He gets warm breath on his palm for his trouble before he shuffles a little bit closer, bringing his hands to the mare’s neck. Considering him, the horse snorts before giving in to the scratches he gives her. Snickering at him, throwing her head into his side. Steve just laughs, scratching behind her ears as she lowers her head to his small frame.  
“You’re a natural” A voice points out, lower and older sounding than Bucky’s  
“Oh, thank you” He turns to a man, who looked old enough to be over forty, with grey hair swept back  
“Steve this is Greg” Bucky interrupts, poking his head around the stables divide “And hey he’s right, you’re a natural Steve.”

They go back into the house after that,  
“The ground floor holds the kitchen, dining room, and a large lounge.” Bucky narrates “Morning girls” He calls into the kitchen as they pass, stopping to usher Steve into the warmth “This is Steve”  
“Ah Steven!” Trudy greets from the sink,  
“Good morning Trudy” Steve replies and the cook smiles  
“This is Katherine, Jaqueline and Anne. Jessica, Jack and Laurel are cleaning I suppose?”  
“Yes sir” Trudy answers and then Bucky’s bustling Steve up the stairs to the next floor, Steve only managing to get a wave over his shoulder.  
  
“This floor is the main floor,” Bucky liked playing host, and he liked how accepting everyone was of Steve. But he still felt awkward, Steve was carrying himself a little stiffly. And Bucky could see how he kept rubbing at his writs and finger tips. “You have a study which is mainly for Natasha’s use as she handles anything involving the house. There are two libraries, and a smaller lounge up here which is mainly for personal use as we don’t normally let guests up here.”

They peek into the study to see Natasha and Sam quietly bickering, heads bent. Bucky brings a finger up to his lips and Steve nods, quiet in their retreat Bucky takes him to one of the libraries.  
“It’s lovely” Steve directs to the libraries, eyes round with wonder and Bucky lets himself drink the sight in for a second before going up another floor.

“All of the bedrooms are on this floor, one has been turned into my study. And then the upper floor is for the Staff. We don’t really use the attic, as it’s just open plan space. We mainly just use it to shove things we don’t use down here.”  
“Okay” Steve nods, taking it all in “I think, maybe I need to rest for a while.”  
“Of course, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll go for a ride. Do you want me to send somebody up for lunch?”  
“Please” Steve nods again, and then Bucky leaves him to it.

Instead of going to his room, Steve goes to one of the libraries, the east facing one, and takes a book at random. Once he sits, he promptly bursts into tears. His legs were aching, and he couldn’t feel his fingertips. He couldn’t breathe properly and he was shivering violently. His chest ached too, the dreary weather always got to him. And all the walking today had tasked him far too much. But how was he supposed to tell Bucky?  
_“Oh I’m terribly sorry but I have quite a few illnesses that leave me bed ridden most of the time, and I’m hiding everything."_  Yes, like that would go down well. He didn’t want to find Sam, he had seemed busy. And he couldn't get to his inhaler, having moved on from his asthma cigarettes. He tries to calm his breathing, and tries to warm himself. But the fire wasn’t lit and he can’t seem to grasp one of the blankets from the back of the cushy chair he was seated on.

“I’m terribly sorry to interrupt- Steve?” Steve snaps his head up to Bucky, who had now changed into riding gear and bites on his tongue hard. How was he going to explain this? “Steve, what’s the matter?” Coming into the room, Bucky shuts the door quietly behind him  
“Could could you light the fire?” Steve stutters  
“Of course”  
“And get my inhaler? It’s on my bedside drawer” He watches as Bucky lights the fire and then jumps up, walking quickly out of the room.

Bucky comes back, panting as he hands over the medication. Steve looked ill and worn out. He was still crying, and Bucky’s heart aches as his chest wheezes. Steve takes it, and seems to relax just a little bit. So Bucky lets himself fall to his knees beside Steve, resting his hand on the chairs arm.  
“I promise you I’m not normally a crier” Steve chokes out, cheeks red  
“It’s okay, a lot’s gone on”  
“Yer” They fall into silence and Bucky looks Steve over. He was still shivering, but had managed to pull the blanket over himself, and the fire had put some dull colour back into his face.  
  
“What’s the matter Steve?”  
“I” A breath, one that rattled “I’m ill. I’m always ill. And today I pushed myself a little too far” It takes a minute for the words to sink in and then Bucky curses. He had been the one to pull Steve around, and he had even noticed Steve flagging a little, why hadn’t he said anything?  
“That, that was my fault.” He gulps “I shouldn’t have dragged you around”  
“No, I wanted the tour, and I could have said something.” They could argue all day, so Bucky drops it  
“What do you mean ill?”  
“I have asthma, and I get sick an awful lot. I’m often bedridden. We should have told you from the offset, I’m sorry. I don’t want to force my illness onto you”  
“You aren’t” Bucky assures, he was a little angry that they hadn’t told him. But only because, if they had, he would have been able to prevent what was happening now. He cared for Steve, in a surreal way. They were married after all, and it wouldn’t do to not care.

“And, it’s silly” Steve carries on “But my mother, she died of what I’ve got, with something else throw in there that they couldn’t catch.” A swallow. “And I don’t want that to happen to me. Which is selfish, and I know I probably won’t live past forty. But my mother wanted so much for me, and I can’t do that if I can’t catch my breath going up a flight of stairs too fast” Bucky feels a stab in his chest at the thought  
“You will have more. You live here now with me. I’m here to look out for you”  
“You don’t need to, I can look after myself.” It sounded as if Steve had had this conversation before.  
“You don’t have to though, husband” He tacks onto the end, trying to get a smile out of Steve who had now stopped crying. Maybe one day, Bucky could tell Steve about his own parents. Not today though, considering Steve had only arrived the day before.  
“Husband” Steve mimics quietly before snorting. “Don’t tell Sam about this, he worries”  
“He’ll probably find out anyway”  
“True.”

Sam does find out later. And does so by walking into the library, finding Steve sitting there, reading aloud to Bucky who had sprawled in front of the fireplace. Both with sandwiches in their hands  
“Oh, Steve had an episode before” Bucky had waved his hand, and then tilted his head to look at Steve who was glaring “What? He knows you better than I do. And I’m trying to get into his good books” Bucky would be good for Steve. Sam could tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about this being late, I hit a large piece of writers block a few days ago and couldn't get this finished until this morning. I hope the length makes up for it a little though. Also, I promise Steve doesn't always cry, Bucky will get his chance :p
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/), we can cry about stucky together :)


	8. Chapter 8

Steve finds that he gets on extremely well with Natasha. When she isn’t busy, she sits with him in the library and they talk. It’s mostly jokes, snarky comments and loud laughter. It works, they fit easily. And they both enjoy making light fun of Bucky who Natasha refuses to call anything but James. The library, the one facing the east so that he could see the sunrise, had become his favourite place. He spent hours there drawing or reading. Often joined by Bucky who would work quietly beside him, or try and cajole him into laughter if he was bored.

Steve had been there a week, and was starting to feel less awkward. He got along with the staff, and any conversation he could have with them he did. Trudy was on a mission to ‘feed him up’, he never bothered to tell her that it wouldn’t work.   
  
“No, Natasha won’t let me have a dog. She says three horses are enough.” Bucky tells Steve, who had taken to curling up in front of the fire. Bucky was always there to help him up, now that he had started to work from the library.  
“That’s cruel” Steve had abandoned his book and was looking up at Bucky while they talked. His face had a rosy glow from the fire, and his smile was getting more and more relaxed as the days passed.  
“I know, but to be fair. It would be hard to walk two dogs with one arm” Steve lets himself snort, safe in the knowledge that Bucky would too. Bucky had made sure of that.  
“I could help” The idea seemed great to Bucky, they could both have a dog and Steve would help look after them  
“But I have work” Bucky pouts  
“I don’t”  
“There is no way you’re walking two dogs in the freezing cold.” It’s Bucky’s turn to snort. Steve was right, he had figured out. Steve was often sick. It had only been a week and that point had been proven solidly. Bucky wasn’t pretending he didn’t hear the coughing fits in the night, or the weak calls for Sam who went rushing to his friend’s aid. However, Bucky _was_ pretending that he didn’t want to be in Sam’s place.  
“I could”  
“I’m not saying that, I’m just saying I would rather you not”  
“Why not?”  
“I can you see you getting pulled along by overly eager dogs, and then not stopping them because you love them too much” That shuts Steve up, and the mulish twist to his mouth finds Bucky wanting to kiss it away. Which, huh. That made sense. Steve was attractive, and the man was outstanding company. He had made Bucky laugh far more in the last week than Bucky had in the past few months. Bucky was also drawn to Steve’s hands, the blonde had a gift. Bucky could watch him draw for hours.

Bucky was staring at him again, Steve wasn’t sure if the man was even aware he was doing it. It was nice though. They both got on well, and any awkwardness had faded within the first few days. They clicked, simple as that. Whether that be while they were working quietly together, trading remarks every few hours. Or while they were sharing stories, trading facts about each-other’s lives and histories, loud and laughing. Steve learns a lot within that first week. Like, how Bucky often forgot that he didn’t have an arm unless the phantom pains got too much, or when he would do things and only one arm would follow. He said he didn’t mind, and he was fine with jokes. But Steve could see past that, could see the pain in Bucky’s eyes. He was unsure of how to help, only time would tell if Bucky told him to full story.

Steve probably did his fair share of staring too. He wouldn’t say anything if Bucky didn’t.  
“Are we going down for lunch?” He asks, they had taken to eating lunch in the library before Bucky went riding and Steve took a cat nap.  
“Have we before? I think Trudy is doing something special for dinner though. So we’ll have to go down for that”  
“We do anyway” The staff had taken to avoiding the library unless called in, and even Natasha and Sam had started knocking on the closed door before entering. Steve found it a little silly considering the pair weren’t doing anything of merit.  
“True” Bucky stretches, legs splayed out before getting up “I’ll go down and ask for lunch. Would you like anything specific?”  
“Soup?” Steve had had a craving for soup all morning  
“Soup coming right up” Bucky nods before swanning out of the room. Steve can hear him thumping down the carpeted stairs too.

He was getting used to different peoples footfalls. And if he didn’t hear any at all, they were probably Natasha’s. Which is why he isn’t surprised when she appears in the doorway, grinning.  
“Are you both stopping for lunch?”  
“Well, we weren’t doing much anyway. Bucky gave up on work a little while ago. Are you going to join us?”  
“Yes, Sam will too once he’s been downstairs”  
“How are you getting on? Still getting letters from guests?”   
“Yes, I got one asking if you had consummated the marriage yet”   
“What?” Steve can’t help his shriek “Who would ask that?” He blinks rapidly “Why would people ask that?”  
“I know, it’s disgusting”  
“Did you reply?”  
“Yes, rather briskly too. Telling them that it was none of their business”  
“Thank you” Steve doesn’t want anybody thinking about his sex life, even if it is currently non-existent.

Natasha doesn’t mention how suspicious that his overreaction was, and wasn’t going to mention how the staff were gossiping already about he closed door of the library. She would know if the pair were actually having sex. James would tell her, he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut about it. She could see how they were slowly becoming infatuated with each other, which was perfect really. They were lovely together, and James was happier than she’d ever seen him when he was around Steve.

“Natasha” Steve questions, now leaning his elbows on his crossed legs “Why won’t you let Bucky have dogs? Because I’m here now, and we could look after the dogs together-“  
“No, no dogs. We have horses, and a group of staff who all need care. There’s also you. And Bucky would rather he look after you when you’re sick than go take the dogs for a walk-“  
“Natasha”  
“No dogs” The redhead’s voice is final so Steve scowls and leaves the conversation alone.  
“Sam” He looks up when Sam comes into the room, carrying a tray with his and Natasha’ lunch on  
“Bucky and Katherine are bringing up your lunch now” Sam nods, sitting next to Natasha on the couch.   
“That was quick”  
“Soup is generally quick” Sam just shrugs, passing over Natasha’s lunch.

“Hey Sam-“   
“No, no dogs” Sam was probably able to read his mind at this point and Steve scowls again  
“You two are in cahoots!” He shouts, pointing a finger at the duo who just look down at him with matching unimpressed expressions.

“Lunch” There’s a knock on the door and Steve scrambles up, taking the tray from Katherine with a smile  
“Thank you Katherine”  
“You’re welcome Steve” The girl laughs, they were all used to Steve’s overt politeness and willingness to help around the house. They found it endearing, Steve was just glad they didn’t mind.  
“What took you so long?” Steve catches as Bucky passes Katherine through the door, nodding to her as she goes back downstairs  
“Nothing, now come on, lets’ eat” He sits back down on the floor with Steve. The weather had turned dull and dark extremely quickly, so the fire was always welcomed.  
“I asked them about a dog” Steve says around a mouthful of bread and Bucky shakes his head  
“They said no didn’t they?”  
“They said no” They both turn their glares to the two sitting on the couch, smirking down at them  
“Traitors.”

//

Steve finds out what took Bucky so long as he goes to go for his usual afternoon nap. There’s a small box on his bed, complete with a note.  
  
_Steve,_  
 _you said you can’t see things that are far away properly so I looked into it. These glasses should help you see a little better. If not, I can always send them back. I hope they help._  
 _Bucky._

Steve opens the box to find a dainty pair of wire rimmed glasses, they looked as though they would fit, and he takes them out. Trying them on. His eyesight does clear up with glasses on and he gasps a little, walking over to the mirror on his dresser. He suited them, the thin frames not overpowering his face and they fit well. How would he pay Bucky back for these?

//

“Steve, you don’t have to pay me back” Bucky laughs once he returns from his ride, flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. “I thought they would ease your eyes, do they work?” The laughter is warm and comforting.  
“They do thank you” Steve looks at his hands, unsure of what to do now. He wasn’t used to people caring other than Sam and his mother.  
“Then everything is fine, come on Stevie. I finished my work last night, would you read to me?” Bucky liked Steve reading to him, Steve would never say no. He found that he liked making Bucky happy.  
“Of course” And they spend the rest of the afternoon lazing around. Steve reading with Bucky dozing on and off. Happily quiet in each others company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is on time! I like how this turned out, and I wasn't sure I would but I do. Also, can I just thank you all for reading/commenting/leaving kudos ect because I really appreciate it!!


	9. Chapter 9

“Do you want to join me on a ride?” Bucky pops his head into the library. The sun was out, meaning that Steve could go out for once.  
“Oh I’m-“ Bucky could tell Steve wasn’t sure  
“Come on, you can ride Bonny” Steve was glancing from him to the window and then back to him, a habit he had taken to doing since Bucky had given him the glasses. He had confessed that there was now so much to see he just couldn’t help himself.   
“Ok” A pause “But I’m not going to be any good”  
“Nonsense” Bucky laughs, he had wanted to take Steve riding since the man had got to the house, but the weather hadn’t permitted it until now, a good three weeks later. “Come on, I have clothes you can borrow.”

Steve follows Bucky a little dubiously. He really wasn’t sure about riding. He tunes back in, Bucky babbling on about Bonny  
“She’s sweet, won’t buck you off or anything. Really sedate.”  
“That’s great-“ He’s stopped by a bundle of clothes thrown in his face and a demand to   
“Get changed Steve come on!” So Steve can’t even finish his sentence. Instead he goes into his own room, turning to tamp down his smile at Bucky’s excited nature. It was cute.

As Steve gets changed, his eyes land on the small A5 sketch he had been painting for Bucky as a thank you for the glasses. Although it really didn’t compare to the glasses themselves, it was all Steve could really do. He wasn’t even sure if he would give it to Bucky, because Bucky must have hundreds of paintings of the grounds, even from the perspective of the warm library.  He folds the painting up and puts it into the pants pocket as an afterthought.

Once Steve’s changed, he lets his nose burrow into the fabric of the soft riding shirt, letting Bucky’s smell wash over him. It was extremely comforting. He had grown extremely fond of Bucky, the man was helpful and kind and didn’t look at Steve like he was a charity case. It was odd, that he actually acted as though he cared for Steve. Steve himself wasn’t used to it, only used to Sam and his mother caring even in the slightest. It helped that Bucky was also attractive, and even when lounging around in just an undershirt and trousers looked good and well put together.

Steve appreciated it, and wished he was the same. Instead he had spent the time in too large shirts and pants, trying to hide his brittle looking body under billowing fabric. It hadn’t really worked, but this way Bucky wouldn’t be able to see his ribs or protruding collar bones. Just because Bucky knew Steve was ill didn’t mean that Steve had to flaunt the fact or draw any obvious attention to it.

He leaves the room, walking straight into Buck who was grinning widely, he grabs onto Steve’s hand unexpectedly and practically drags him down the stairs.   
“You’re going to love it, I promise. Trudy packed a lunch for us and everything, I was thinking of making a trip of it. We can go down to the creek, or maybe one of the clearings. Where do you want to go? No, never mind we can go to the creek it’s lovely. Did you want to bring a sketchbook? Or maybe leave that for another time?” Bucky babbles as they walk down to the stables, Bucky’s had still warm and firm in his.

Bucky only stops when they get inside,   
“Ah, You finally convinced Steven to ride with you!” Greg smiles from where he’s grooming Storm.  
“The weather finally permitted” Bucky sounded like a child with his excitement and Steve can’t help but catch his infectious grin.

Bucky was practically ecstatic at the thought if Steve riding with him. He was really looking forward to showing Steve his main source of happiness. And Steve would love the creek.  
“Trudy sent down your picnic, you can’t take Storm out today as he needs a hose down” Greg gestured to the horse and Bucky laughs. Storm had a habit of getting free of his reigns to go and roll in one of the many fields surrounding the manor.  
“We were taking Bonny and Winter anyway” Bucky turns to Steve who was looking a little apprehensive at the whole thing. He cracks a smile when he looks up at Bucky though, and nods to the horse.  
“Okay, let’s do this.”

It was a bit of a rigmarole to get Steve to even be able to get into the saddle. But Bonny was patient, and for that Steve was incredibly thankful.  
“Do I need a lead?” He asks, as he copies Bucky’s hand movements with the reigns. Winter was the one with the picnic, while Bonny had things in her saddlebags.  
“Nah, the trail is all flat. You can just follow me.”  
“What if Bonny won’t stop?”  
“My mother fell asleep riding that horse and Bonny got her back safely, Bonny knows what she’s doing don’t worry.” Steve nods, swaying with the motions of the horse as they set out.  
“Okay, I trust you.”

Bucky’s gut goes warm at those words. Steve trusted him, and he hadn’t even been in the manor for that long. He realises that he’s been quiet for a little bit too long so he coughs, bringing himself back to the real world.  
“I grabbed your sketchbook Steve, I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t really give you a chance to do anything before” He’s sheepish as he says it, he was just so excited.  
“That’s okay, you said we were going to the creek?”  
“Yes, you’ll love it”  
“I really hope so.”

They ride for a little longer in a companionable silence. Steve trying desperately to stay on the horse. Bucky helps him dismount when they get to a small clearing, and Steve can hear the rush of water.   
“It’s beautiful” He gasps when he sees it. The light was bouncing off the rushing water, loud enough to be heard but quiet enough not to be intrusive. You could see right through to the bottom, and Steve can’t help but fall to his knee’s to put his hands in it, leaning over the side to feel the icy cold.  
“I know, now come and help me get the picnic down.”

Steve does, and between them they manage to get everything spread out onto a blanket. The horses left to roam quietly and munch at the grass.   
“Trudy’s packed our normal lunch” Bucky gestures before tossing Steve’s sketchbook towards the blonde. Steve takes it gratefully, setting it aside before they sitting down properly, legs crossed sitting opposite Bucky, food between them.  Bucky watches Steve eat, making sure that Steve eats the majority of the food. Bucky didn’t really need it, he was happy to snack later on. But it was important for Steve to eat as much as he could, it wasn’t just Trudy trying to get Steve to gain weight.  
“This is great Buck, thank you” The abbreviated nick name slips past Steve’s notice, but Bucky does and he glows from the inside out. His priority was Steve’s comfort and wellbeing, which was why he was denying and trying to hide his attraction. He would never make Steve uncomfortable or feel threatened, which was why the small displays of affection that Steve showed him were so welcomed and heart-warming. Bucky bites down into his sandwich, pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind while he ate.  
“You’re welcome Stevie, I’m glad you’re enjoying your time here.”

“You make a very good host” Steve grins over at Bucky, and tries to bat his eyelashes a little, knowing he’s probably failed underneath the glasses. But it gets Bucky blushing anyway and that just makes Steve grins wider. He caught the Stevie thrown his way too, and he wasn’t going to say anything.  
“Here” Steve bites the bullet, caught up in Bucky’s smile and the sounds of the creek. He puts his sandwich down and shuffles in his pocket, pulling out the folded piece of paper. “It’s not that good, and I know you have so many paintings already. But this was for” He stutters when his fingers brush against Bucky’s “The glasses” Steve finishes lamely, drawing back in on himself. Moment of brashness gone as he tries to avoid looking at Bucky see his painting. It was a mixture of colours, the interior of the library being what he saw as warmth and the outside being cool greys as he tried to get the rain perfect on the window.

“It’s brilliant Steve, I love it” Chuckling with awe, Bucky puts it into his own pocket, beaming up at Steve. “You didn’t have to though.”  
“I know, I wanted to” There’s a moment’s pause, a shift in the air as they both collect themselves before they go back to eating.  
“Come on” Bucky finishes first, wiping his hands of crumbs “We’re going to go dip our feet in quick and then go home.”  
“Won’t it be cold?” Talking through his last mouthful, Steve copies Bucky as the man peels off his socks and shoes.  
“That’s the point” The childish glee was back in Bucky’s voice so Steve goes along with it, helping Bucky up so that they can dubiously go over to the water. Bucky just splashes right in, finding a few flat rocks on the creek bed to stand on “Come on Stevie! It’s fine!” His laughter sounds like music mixed with the echoes of the trees and the rush of the rapids. So Steve complies, and hesitantly dips his foot in.

His shriek is neither dignified nor manly as he yanks his foot right back out, cursing Bucky out as he hobbles back over to the picnic blanket  
“You bastard! How are you not freezing to death?”  
“Used to it!” Bucky just calls back, splashing his legs up more. Steve just pulls his socks and shoes back on, grumbling under his breath.

It’s not long before Bucky comes out, cackling to himself before helping Steve put everything back and pack everything away, lumping his shoes in the picnic basket  
“Don’t you need those?” Steve questions, mounting Bonny as Bucky does the same with Winter. Bucky just throws his head back to look at him and shake his head. Steve tries to take that into account instead of the stretch of Bucky’s throat “Okay then.”

Bonny and Steve keep pace this time, riding alongside Bucky and Winter as they go. Steve starts talking about the creek  
“I didn’t get any drawings done. We’ll have to go back”  
“Of course we will, when the weather is nice again.”  
“I know but I wanted drawings today” Steve whines like a child and it get’s Bucky laughing, mirth in his eyes as he tries to reach and ruffle at Steve’s hair. Steve doesn’t take the bait, leaning as far back as he can away from Bucky’s outstretched hand. Hands tightening to grip the reigns as he leans sideways, ducking his head.

It seems to happen in slow motion. One second Bucky’s leaning, raised arse off the saddle to try and ruffle Steve’s hair before Steve watches him fall, bare feet slipping in the stirrups down between the two horses.   
  
“Woah!” Steve yanks on his own reigns, pulling Bonny away from Bucky’s body on the floor. But Winter keeps going for a few seconds, Steve unable to catch his reigns after slipping from Bonny’s saddle as the horse tramples over Bucky. Once Steve has both the horse’s stationary he runs back to Bucky, untangling him from the stirrups as he leans over his already bruised body. His breathing catches in his throat and panic wells up in his chest. The dirt that had been kicked up was settling around Bucky’s body, lying unmoving in the dust.  
“Shit!” He doesn’t seem to be conscious as Steve pulls his head into his lap, stroking through the man’s hair as he looks over for wounds. There’s a nasty one on his side that seems to be bleeding out and Steve chokes. “Bucky?” He shakes him, kneeling now heavily as he look over the growing bruise on Bucky’s forehead, red matching the dark patch on Bucky’ shirt. “Bucky?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to upload this, despite having trouble writing it to begin with! This story is about halfway through now I think as well :)


	10. Chapter 10

“Shit!” Steve doesn’t know what to do other than apply a slight bit of pressure onto the gaping wound on Bucky’s side from where Winter had trampled him. “Fuck Bucky!” He couldn’t leave Bucky, he just couldn’t. And there was no way he could run for help. He curses again, tears stinging at his eyes before he squares his shoulders.

Taking his own shirt off, he ties it around Bucky’s middle to stem the bleeding and slowly moves the man so he’s lying on the floor. “Bonny” He clicks the snorting horse over. Winter had fled, running back up to the house. Steve had other things to worry about at the moment though. He gets the horse to kneel through furious clicks of his tongue and a lot of pleading. But Bucky had been right, the horse knew what she was doing, so she’s quiet and still as Steve tries to drag Bucky onto her back, as gently as he can. Steve stands with her, keeping an arm on Bucky at all times as he slowly starts the walk back up to the manor. Shivering at the growing cold, while trying to fight off the feeling of impending doom that was creeping up behind him. The horse knew where she was going, so Steve can concentrate on his feet and helping keep Bucky on Bonny’s back as they make the slow trudge up to the house. Steve wished they could go faster, but the way Bucky was balanced on the saddle and Steve’s lungs wouldn’t permit.

There’s bile in his throat and buzzing in his head. Bucky could be dead. He could be seriously hurt, he could have broken bones. He could die. Swallowing against the lump in his throat, Steve looks up to see the house was a pinprick in the distance. Good, they were getting closer.

He squints when he sees another blob in the distance, one that was getting closer and closer, faster than the approaching house.  
“STEVE! WHAT HAPPENED?” Natasha, it was Natasha speaking loudly but firmly, tailed by the stable hands and a stretcher. They must have known something was wrong when Winter ran back without his rider.  
“He fell. He fell off Winter.” Steve breathes, feeling himself start to shake violently “How did you know to bring a stretcher?” They’ve stopped, and were slowly easing Bucky from Bonny's back and onto the stretcher, wincing every time the man made a noise of pain.  
“Always prepare for the worst” Natasha says grimly, before they speed off up to the house, leaving Steve alone to take Bonny back up to the house. One hand never leaving her flank as he tried not to burst into tears.

The chill was catching up with him, and his shaking got worse as he sobbed. But he carried on regardless and finally got back up to the stables. Bucky couldn’t die on him. Not so soon after his mother. Not now.

Sam finds him collapsed on the floor on the way from the stables to the house, gravel hurting his hands and knees  
“I’m going to ring Natasha’s neck for leaving you. Fuck Steve, come here” Sam bustles around Steve, taking his jacket off to put over the small man before taking him up to the flurry of a house. A doctor had been called and Bucky had been lain up in bed while Steve had still been walking back. Alone. Steve, who was shirtless and small and had breathing problems, was left in charge of a horse to walk back up on his own. Sam was going to kill somebody, he really was. Giving up on making Steve walk back to the house in his state, Sam hoists a still crying Steve up before taking him swiftly up to his own room. Dodging around everybody as they ran around like headless chickens.  
“Where’s B-bucky?” Steve ask, Sam having shut the door to the bedroom. “Sam is Bucky okay?”  
“He’s breathing” Sam lets himself say before sliding his back down the door. Steve wouldn’t want help from here, it was better to just leave him. And then call the doctor in after they had Bucky looked at. Steve couldn’t argue with a doctor.

Steve can’t seem to stop crying, but the warmth of his room eases his want to cry slightly and his sobs turn into a small steam of tears. He dresses again, putting a blanket around his shoulders as he neatly falls onto the bed after taking a few puffs of his inhaler to get his breathing back under control, and get rid of the ache in his chest. Sam was blocking the door, with his eyes closed and head rested against the wood. Sam put up with a lot.   
“Sam?” Steve gets out, furiously rubbing the tears from his eyes. He was worried about Bucky yes, but what about Sam? They hadn’t spoken properly in the weeks that they had been there. There was nothing he could do about Bucky. No matter how much he wanted to. But he could do something about Sam. Sam was his best friend. “Sam are you okay?”  
“They left you, they know how much the cold gets to you. They could have helped you back to at least.”  
“Sam, Bucky was hurt. He was the priority.”  
“Four people went down there, and you were left on your own with a horse. You’ve never been around horses Steve. And the walk back was long. They only told me you were still gone when I demanded to know where you were.” He growls, hands rubbing over his eyes “I know you’re proud Steve. I know your pride gets hurt easily.” Steve goes to protest but can’t. He was a proud man, he couldn’t help it. “But they should have helped you.”  
“Sam I’m fine-“  
“You’re shivering, you’re muddy and you’re crying. I’m going to run you a bath and then we can go see Bucky okay. It’s not his fault.”  
“No, it isn’t.”

Sam stands, going into the en-suit to run Steve’s bath. Stewing quietly to himself. Steve himself just waits, unable to really do anything more. He did want to see Bucky, and he knew everybody would be asking him what happened. But right now he didn’t think he would be able to speak properly. His mouth had clogged, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth.

“Steve?” Sam prompts and Steve rises automatically, getting caught in the doorway of the teamed up bathroom. He lets Sam hug him, hugging back just as tightly. He thinks maybe that Sam is crying with anger, but he doesn’t move to see. Sam was an emotional guy it was one of the great things about him. You always knew where you stood with him, and it was nice that he was so protective. Steve felt the exact same way, but Sam wasn’t really one to bring trouble to the door.   
“We’re going to talk later okay” Steve manages a shaky laugh, letting Sam pull himself together and smooth over his clothes  
“Sure. Now go get a bath stinky”  
“Only if you promise not to shout at anyone”  
“I wasn’t going to shout”  
“Were you going to pull your ‘I’m disappointed in you’ face?”  
“Maybe”   
“That’s okay then. You get further with that” Steve slaps Sam’s shoulder, leaving the man to go and do what he needed. Sam just nods before leaving the bedroom, door shutting with a click behind him.

Steve then gets in the bath, letting the noises outside quieten to a hushed lull before he brings his aching bones from the warm water. It had been nice, a chance to wash away the dirt from his feet and the tears from his face. His chest didn’t hurt now, and he had regained feeling back into his limbs and fingers.

Once dried with a fluffy towel, he dressed in pyjamas, no point in dressing in proper clothes now, and a warm dressing down which had been put on the radiator. Slipping from the room, he goes over to Bucky’s room. It was empty save for Natasha so Steve goes in, knocking quietly on the door.  
“Can I come in?”  
“Oh Steve, yes.” Natasha motions to the chair by Bucky’s bedside so he sits on that, sinking in to the plush fabric while he looks around the room. It was not unlike his own, with a deeper colour scheme and more home comforts. It was on the bigger side, with a few more pictures around.

They sit for a few seconds in silence, watching Bucky breathe  
“He’s got a few broken ribs, and the bruise on his head will stay there for a while. He’s pretty banged up but other than the ribs, nothing’s broken. Just a few cuts and bruises. The gash on his side has been stitched and the doctor said it would heal okay.” Natasha says, ignoring when Steve gently takes Bucky’s hand.   
“Fair warning, Sam’s on a rampage” Steve tells her in kindness, he didn’t want her getting ambushed  
“Oh I know. He pulled me aside before” She looks ashamed, unwilling to look at neither Steve nor Bucky. “I’m really sorry Steve-“  
“Don’t.” Steve rubs his thumb over Bucky’s knuckles. “It wasn’t your fault. Bucky was the priority, I know that, I would have done the same. But you know how protective Sam is.” This gets her to look at him, eyes saying more than she ever would “It was just him, my mother and I for a long time. And then it was just down to him and I. He’s not really staff, he’s more like family. You can’t blame him for his actions when I get into enough trouble as it is on my own.” He smiles encouragingly, “Don’t take it to heart. He’ll be mad for a little while, but he’ll get over himself soon. And then he’ll apologise and probably make you cake if Trudy will let him.”  
“He’ll make me cake?”  
“That’s his go to ‘sorry I was mean’ treat. You get brownies if he’s done something to really upset you.” Natasha finally manages a low laugh, sob bubbling from her throat. Reaching over, Steve takes her hand from where it was rested on the bedspread with his free one. “Don’t worry about Bucky Nat. He’s stronger than he looks. He’ll get better soon, mostly because he’s stubborn.”  
“What happened?”  
“He was an idiot who decided not to wear shoes. He leant over to me to try and ruffle my hair and then he fell. I tried to tell him to put shoes on”  
“Are you going to say I told you so?” She still has a grip on Steve, but she wipes her tears away with the sleeve of her other hand.  
“Of course!”

Bucky groans and they’re both jolted out of their places.  
“Steve” Bucky mutters, opening his eyes with a squint.  
“Yes you idiot, it’s me.” He squeezes Bucky’s hand. Breathing out a sigh of relief. Bucky wasn’t dead. He was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to my local comic con on saturday and needed friday to prepare everything so I thought I would upload this early. I got this written really quickly and am ahead of schedule for once (yay). Thank you guys for commenting and subscribing and leaving kudos and everything it means a lot :). Hopefully this chapter makes up for the last one (also Sam Wilson being a good friend is what I live for so here it is ahh).


	11. Chapter 11

“I’ll go and get the doctor” Natasha is up in an instant, leaving Bucky and Steve alone as she whirls from the room, skirts trailing behind her.  
“Hey Buck,” Steve leans in close, resting his free arm on the bed as he continues to hold Bucky’s hand. “You’re going to be okay.”  
“Steve?” Bucky doesn’t seem with it, not at all. But he was injured. “Steve... hurts.”  
“It will do, you got trampled a little.” Bucky slowly turns his head to look at Steve, eyes barely open, but still watching. Steve doesn’t say ‘I told you so’. Instead, he brushes his free hand across Bucky’s face, fingertips lingering on the man’s cheekbones before gingerly brushing up into his hair, pushing the strands form his face as Bucky’s eyes widen to being fully open. “Hey no come on, close your eyes again. You need your sleep”  
“Not until he’s been seen by a doctor” Natasha swans back in, causing Steve to jerk back and lose his grip on Bucky’s hand. He stays seated though, wanting to hear what the doctor has to say.

It turns out that the doctor has nothing to say really, or at least not anything that Natasha hadn’t already said. So Steve tunes most of it out, only really coming back into the room when the doctor coughs at him  
“Mr Wilson said I should look you over too.” Bucky was sitting up now, wincing occasionally and he turns his head to look at Steve  
“Why what happened?”  
“I left him to talk walk on his own” Natasha pipes up, trying to avoid looking at Bucky  
“I’m okay though” Steve tries, “I’m honestly fine.” Despite his protest, the doctor was still advancing towards where he was seated  
“Mr Wilson insisted” He says, and Steve cringes away. He hated doctors, he hated the whole procedure.  
“Sam needs to drop the issue. I’m fine.”  
“It would be in your best interest if I listened to your chest.”  
  
“You made Steve walk back up on his own?” Bucky was ignoring the doctor, looking over at Natasha  
“Yes-“  
“Natasha! You know how Steve gets!”  
“He was also shirtless, and in charge of a horse” Sam appears in the doorway, arms crossed as he leant against the door jamb  
“Natasha! Wait you were shirtless?” It’s now Steve’s turn to get stared at, and the doctor takes his distraction as an invitation to push his stethoscope to Steve’s chest, wiggling it under Steve’s dressing gown and pyjamas. Yelping, Steve pushes away  
“I am fine thank you doctor! Sam go away! Natasha stop feeling guilty and yes, I was shirtless because you needed something to stop the bleeding.”  
“Wish I could have seen that” Bucky mumbles, before grabbing Steve’s hand “Get yourself looked at, even if it’s just for mine and Sam’s benefit, please.”

Bucky couldn’t believe he had said that out loud, but it was done now, and nobody had really reacted so he liked to think nobody had heard him. Steve had even given in and been looked at.  
“I don’t recommend doing it again” The doctor had said. Before him, Natasha and Sam had left the room. Steve had pulled his gown tighter across him, and had sat back down while still holding Bucky’s hand.  
  
“How are you feeling?” Steve asks, legs folded underneath him  
“Fine” Bucky wasn’t, his whole body hurt, and the phantom pains had come back in full force.  
“You’re a terrible liar” Steve’s smile is soft, and he starts running the fingers of his free hand up and down Bucky’s arm.  
“Well, everything hurts for a start”  
“Even with the medication?”  
“Even with the medication” Bucky leans back against the pillows, closing his eyes as he rests against the one holding his head up “And I’m sort of-“ He tries looking for words. “Numb at the moment?”  
“Why’s that?” He still has his eyes closed, but he can feel Steve straighten up next to him  
“Because… did I ever tell you about my parents and sister?”

Steve doesn’t move, but he makes a sound in the back of this throat so Bucky continues  
“Well, they died a few years ago.” He takes a breath “They died and I lost my arm.” He hadn’t really spoken about this with anybody. It was a hard thing to do, but Steve had opened up to him about his mother, so it was only kind to return the favour. Steve deserved that much.  
“You don’t have to tell me” Steve’s voice was still soft, and he hadn’t stopped running his fingers over Bucky’s arm, moving them up to his shoulder, occasionally straying to his hair  
“No, I want to” Nodding to himself, Bucky starts “We, we were on our way back from a party in the next town over, there was ice everywhere as it was the middle of winter.” He remembered it as if it were yesterday. The carriage had been slipping around the road, not going slow enough. “My parents were a little drunk, enough to not notice how bad the carriage was swaying. And my sister was asleep on my shoulder. She was three years younger than me so the party had tired her out. And then we just…” His breathing is shaky, and he swallows a few times, he missed his sister the most, her smile was always enough to brighten the room no matter what mood Bucky had sunken into “Crashed, the carriage flipped. And the screams. Damn the screams” His mothers had been the worst, ear piercing and hollow. Bucky thinks he can still hear the bones breaking. From both his family and the horses in front. “My arm, it got trapped under the wreckage, I had been thrown out as the doors had opened. My parents didn’t get out. The carriage driver had survived, he was the one to go and get help” He can remember pain, so much pain. He doesn’t say that he tried to drag his sister out, able to see her eyes. Those dead eyes of hers, he’d tried but he knew it was a lost cause even then. He remembers crying out for his parents and his sister. He remembers knowing that they wouldn’t come, but doing it anyway.  
  
“Oh Buck”  
“They, uh. They cut my arm off, so I wouldn’t die there.” Bucky thinks he may be crying. But he can’t really tell. “So, here I am. Alive, but stupid enough to get hurt again.”  
“You weren’t stupid”  
“I was Steve!” He finally opens his eyes to look over at Steve. There were unshed tears in the blonde’s eyes “I got hurt, and what if I had caught you and dragged you down too?"  
“But you didn’t Buck.” Steve uses his fee hand to cup Bucky’s face, making him look Steve in the eyes. “You didn’t.”

Steve didn’t know what to do, other than gently wipe at Bucky’s face. Wiping away the tears.  
“You’re okay” He assures, continuing to dab at Bucky’s face “You’re safe now. I won’t let anything like that happen again okay”  
“What if I fuck up again Stevie?” Bucky’s voice had shrunk, his body too had closed in on itself  
“You haven’t yet have you? That wasn’t fucking up to me. Just a little bit of joking that went too far”  
“I could have hurt you-“  
“But you didn’t did you?” Steve stops, moving his fingers to hook under Bucky’s chin and make the man look at him “I’m okay. You’re moderately okay and you’re going to heal in no time.” Bucky was staring, he had finally stopped crying, but his breath was still hitching as it went back to normal “You want a hug?” He asks, for lack of anything better say as Bucky continues to stare. He didn’t know what Bucky was looking at, but he didn’t really want to break the man’s gaze. It was searching, but it got less and less uptight as Steve looked back at him.  
  
“Yes please” Bucky nods,  
“Shove over then, me and Sam used to do this all the time. You’ll sleep better with someone there, come on” Bucky does so, unsure of what Steve was about to do until Steve walks around to the opposite side of the bed and lifts the cover, slipping in beside him. The double bed was big enough for them both to fit, and Steve’s hands are gentle as he arranges Bucky around “Come on, I can’t go on your other side due to your wound.” He props himself up a little, and leads Bucky to rest his head against the man’s bony chest, putting his arm around Bucky’s shoulders.  
“Steve” Bucky looks up once they’re both comfortable, his arm comfortable on Steve's chest while Steve runs a hand through his hair.  
“Yes?”  
“I’m glad we’re married”  
“Me too.” Steve smiles down at him, eyelids dropping. Bucky nods to himself, closing his eyes again as he drifts to sleep, listening to Steve’s heart.

Steve knew this was odd, he knew he shouldn’t want to be playing with Bucky’s hair, or feel safer with the man’s hand tangled in the collar of his pyjamas. But he felt better, just for being married to the man in his arms. He thought maybe Bucky felt the same, if the offhand comments and worry he displayed were anything to go by. But Steve could be projecting. He eventually falls asleep too, his hand still laced in Bucky’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still ahead which is a miracle! Thanks to those who wished me a good day at comic con it was great!
> 
> I have a tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) if you wanna check that out too :)


	12. Chapter 12

Sam finds them in the morning, Natasha on his heels with Bucky’s medication.  
“Oh” He turns to Natasha, wide grin on his face as she clocks the two. Bucky was curled around Steve, face pushed into the others chest while Steve had one arm curled possessively around his shoulders, the other arm pillowing his head.  
  
“That’s adorable” She whispers, before ruining it and loudly waltzing into the room “Good morning boys, lovely day!” She rips open the curtains, scaring Steve and Bucky awake  
“Go away Natasha!” Bucky doesn’t seem to realise where he is, or who’s in his bed as he just snuggles further into Steve’s chest. Steve for his part, just grunts and leans his head towards Bucky’s, hiding his eyes from the sunlight.  
“I have your medication, which you need to take. Good morning Steve how are we this morning?” Sam couldn’t help but laugh, and he just laughs harder when Steve glares up at him  
“Fuck off Sam, we used to do this don’t even try to deny it”  
“I’m not saying anything” Sam holds his hands up while Natasha manoeuvres Bucky upright so he can take his tablets  
“It’s all in your smirk” Steve accuses before shuffling down and turning over, pulling the cover over his head while Bucky whines through taking the tablets Natasha hands him.

Bucky’s face was burning. Nothing had gone on, and he knew that Natasha and Sam knew that.  
“At least I’m not the one making apology brownies. I can smell them Sam, you only make those for people you really like!” Steve shouts from under the covers, and Bucky watches in satisfaction as both Natasha and Sam choke.  
“I’ll send somebody up with your breakfast” Natasha mutters  
“Don’t bother, send up some lunch later” Bucky yawns, too tired really to think of his actions.   
“Yes James” He hears Natasha leave, shutting the door behind her and Sam as Bucky wiggles down, copying Steve and throwing the covers over his head. Without thinking, he throws his arm around Steve’s waist. Fitting his body along the Blonde’s.

“This uncomfortable for you?” He yawns again, fitting his head over Steve’s shoulder  
“Not at all” He feels Steve grin so he takes it, wincing as he shuffles to get comfortable. His side was hurting him, and his head hurt. But having Steve there made it better, along with the medication Natasha had bought.

They wake up to somebody bringing them lunch.   
“Thanks Laurel” Steve mutters, taking the tray from her and setting it on the bed, helping Bucky sit up as she leaves.  
“They’re going to talk” Bucky mutters but sets about eating regardless  
“They talk anyway” Steve shrugs, looking down at his soup.  
“Do you mind?” Bucky asks, shifting a little so that he’s sitting closer  
“Not really, they have every right to assume. And we do nothing to quell the rumours. They don’t mean any harm”  
“I know they don’t.” They were avoiding everything. And Steve couldn’t understand why they were dancing around it. He knew that they had an odd courtship going on, he just didn’t know how to address it. And if he did, there could be a chance he was wrong. And he wouldn’t want to make Bucky feel awkward around him.  
“How’s your side?” He asks instead of continuing the conversation.  
  
“It’s okay. The meds haven’t worn off properly yet.” Bucky turns to Steve and huffs, he loathed dancing around things. And he would think that their attraction to each other were obvious, especially if the staff could pick up on it “Are we going to avoid this forever Steve?” Bucky was a straight forward person, and they had been dancing around this attraction for weeks now. Admittedly, he had been pining, and this gentle flirting they had going on was too much to handle. He wanted to take care of Steve, without passing it off as something he had to do. A month, Steve had been here a month and they had done nothing about anything. It was getting frustrating.

They had clicked, from the very beginning. And Steve had integrated within Bucky’s life seamlessly. It was hard to think of life without Steve. He was such a happy presence within the house, despite his sickness and grouchy nature on occasion. He couldn’t understand all the avoidance. For goodness sake, Steve had even shared his bed. Maybe it was due to the fact that things had been forced from the beginning, and they had been done backwards. But that was neither of their fault, and wasn’t it good that something like this had come from a bad situation?

Steve looks over at Bucky  
“Avoid what?” He knew full well what, but perhaps if he played dumb they could carry this on for longer. He knew the way Bucky looked at him, because it mirrored his own glances. But maybe Bucky was just humouring him? Playing along for the sake of their ‘marriage’.   
“Avoid our feelings!” Steve jumps at the tone, he can’t help himself. He had never head Bucky this frustrated. It wasn’t anger, but that could be lying under the surface. “Steve, you cannot sit there and deny our feelings. You have been here for a month, and in that time we have both awkwardly tried something similar to courtship with each other without having to say anything. I mean,” Steve was still staring, and Bucky was getting into it now, waving his arm around as he spoke “Do you really think I would sit away in the library to each my lunch every day? Or fall asleep in there, just because I wanted to hear somebody carry on talking? Can you honestly think I would buy glasses for somebody? Or insist the fires always be on? And medicine always in the cabinets, just in case. Steve, tell me you would tell everybody about what you’ve been through. About your affinity for art despite your ailments? Would you tell people you want to be an artist, one that got featured in galleries? Would you stay up late talking? Ride a horse for anybody else? Doodle anybody else in your sketchbook and then hide it from them?” Steve blushes, he can feel it, and tries to mask it by shoving another spoonful of soup into his mouth  
“No” He murmurs, “I wouldn’t.”  
  
“And neither would I” Bucky ducks his head down, abandoning his food to get Steve to look at him, hesitant fingers on Steve’s cheek “We’ve been awkwardly trying to court each other for a month and tried to hide it.”  
“Of course we have Bucky, we’re married. Before anything else. For money!” Steve twists his head away, shuffling uncomfortably “We are married for money, and as a way to avoid prying eyes. You can’t actively believe that we would admit to trying to court. It isn’t the done thing, it’s frowned upon!”  
“Steve, nobody here cares”  
“I don’t want to have to dress as a woman to have you court me!” Steve whips his head around, chin tilted as he stares Bucky down “I don’t want to have to lie to be together again. On paper I am your wife. I will forever be seen as your wife.”  
“Not by me. Steve, you know that wedding was just a façade. It was just something to help us both, but you are my husband. And yes, we are married. But wouldn’t you want to have another go and do things properly?” He’s searching now, his eyes confused but determined. “Wouldn’t you want another go at this?” He goes back again to trace his fingers across Steve’s face  
“I…” Steve looked lost for words, but he ducks his head into Bucky’s palm. “Would you?”  
“Of course I would, that’s why I’m asking.” Bucky’s solemn in his approach, and he carries on caressing Steve’s face as the blonde leans into it.

It takes a few minutes, minutes filled with a creased brow and bitten lips but eventually Steve nods  
“Okay, we can try again. Start again.”

Bucky beams, smile over taking his face as he laughs loud and bright in the afternoon sun filtering through the windows.  
“Can I kiss you?” He asks, giddy. His side seemed to stop hurting for a minute in his elated joy and it only grows when Steve nods, smiling back. Steve moves first  
“No, don’t move it’s okay-“ He had grinned before leaning in, reaching his hand up to cup the back of Bucky’s neck. Bucky’s hand was still on Steve’s cheek, so he rubs his thumb across Steve’s cheekbone, pulling Steve in the last few centimetres to finally kiss him.

Steve can feel Bucky smiling, and when he opens his mouth to let Steve in it only gets wider. Gratefully, Steve licks into Bucky’s mouth as Bucky bites down on his lip, getting them both to groan. It felt like a cliché. Like home. Like safety and support. They break away to giggle and laugh, resting their foreheads against each other.

“Can I finally tell you I told you so, about the shoes?” Steve asks, shifting so his legs are crossed and he’s fully facing Bucky, hand never leaving Bucky’s neck.  
“Yes you can” Bucky blows out a breath, using it to get rid of some hair that had fallen in his eyes.  
“Then I told you so” Steve leans back in to suck on Bucky’s bottom lip, tilting awkwardly so Bucky didn’t have to.  
“Fuck off” Bucky doesn’t really break the kiss though, just carries on lazily kissing back.

“Knew it!” There’s a shout at the door, and both men jump back. Bucky groaning in pain and Steve going scarlet as they stare at Sam  
“Go away Sam!” Steve thinks first, reaching behind him to lob a pillow at his friend.  
“I’m going to tell Natasha!” Sam sings, skipping off but thankfully closing the door behind him.  
“For fucks sake” Bucky groans, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder.  
“Agreed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early update because I won't be able to update for another three weeks at least. I'm really sorry, but it's a nice note to leave it at right? Again i'm sorry, and thanks everyone for reading/commenting/subscribing everything it means a lot :)
> 
> I also have a tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) if you wanna check that out.


	13. Chapter 13

It was odd, what they were doing. They weren’t courting, not properly. But they were getting heated. Steve found himself a little confused. He didn’t bring it up however, for fear of them stopping.

It was how they would usually act, Steve notes. But with more kissing and handling. Bucky wasn’t better yet, it had only been a week since his accident so their moves were tentative and slow. Not that Steve minded, it gave him a chance to get his head around the idea.

They hadn’t courted properly, just the awkward period of marriage and ill will before jumping straight in. Steve was old fashioned, he would have liked to court properly. But he didn’t really want to voice his fears because he didn’t want them to stop. If they stopped, Bucky could easily go out and find a bride. A proper one, one who could bear him children and wasn’t as weak or sickly as Steve.

Because he worried that Bucky didn’t understand how extensive Steve’s illnesses were. Along with his asthma, he had a heart murmur and anaemia. He had scoliosis, his blood pressure was high and his father had died of TB, along with something else that they were unable to identify.

And when Bucky finally recovered, he would be able to think clearly again, and what if he wanted something more than they already had? He would probably be repulsed at the sight of Steve. All bones and veins. Bucky was handsome and intelligent, he could have anyone he wanted, he didn’t have to settle for Steve.

So Steve worries, and he doesn’t let on while he lets Bucky kiss him. Kissing back just as desperately. Because ultimately, he wasn’t worthy of Bucky Barnes. He was still lying to the man’s face, and Bucky had been nothing but kind to him. They barely knew each other, for all they had talked they hadn’t touched on important things. So Steve could tell you what Bucky’s favourite thing to eat in the mornings was, but he couldn’t tell you anything but Bucky’s sister’s name. He didn’t know how they had got that far if he was being honest with himself.

//

“Stevie,” Bucky wakes up, warm and comfortable, to a face full of his husband. “Good morning.” His side didn’t really hurt this morning, as it had faded to a dull ache. And the bruise on his head was cleaning up nicely.  
“Morning” Steve yawns in his face, smiling back before turning over and sitting up. “You think you can get up and down to the dining room today?”  
“I can try” Bucky chuckles before turning away to get up.

It was blissful, being able to kiss Steve whenever he wanted. Gloriously so, now that they had spoken about everything. And no, they weren’t courting properly. But that didn’t matter, they were together.

He’s able to walk now, and with Steve’s help they manage to get downstairs for breakfast, keeping with routine.

 The climb down the stairs is tough, and every other step hurt a little, but not enough to cripple him so he carries on.

They get seated at the dining table, Steve sat next to Bucky as they make sleepy small talk and wait to be served. Steve keeps his hands to himself, not wanting to make a fuss or bring any attention to their new ‘relationship’.  Trudy just smiles at them anyway as she comes out with the food herself. She doesn’t comment, but her look is fond and loving so Steve takes that as sign that she approves. Even if he was reluctant to tell anyone.

Especially because they still hadn’t talked about it properly. Which, they should. But how was he supposed to bring it up? He mulls it over as they eat their toast, Bucky talking to the staff that wander by. Suppose he did just bring it up. What would Bucky do? Would he laugh it off and keep Steve? OR would he play into Steve’s worst fear and kick him out, getting a new spouse who was better than Steve could ever be. What I Steve was just a play thing for now? What if he bores Bucky so much he would be thrown out?

He knows in his heart that Bucky would never do that, that the man was compassionate and kind. But Steve had spent his life getting beaten down with hard luck. It wasn’t an impossibility that this all went wrong.

Bucky notices Steve frowning into his breakfast, furrow between his brows that Bucky wants to rub away with his thumb. He knows how private Steve can be though so he leaves it. Instead, he taps the man’s arm.  
“Are you okay Steve? Are you cold?” The dining room was on the bigger side, so it didn’t hold heat as well. They could take their drinks upstairs if needs be, they were both nearly done with their food anyway. “We could go to the library?”

“Could we?” Steve looks up at him, and his face relaxes. “I really wouldn’t mind a good book at this present moment.”  
“Then we can go to the library.” It wasn’t odd for Steve to want to read so he brushes it off and stands, holding Steve’s arm they make it back upstairs, breaking off into the library while somebody brings up their drinks and another tea tray.

Steve needed something to get his mind off things. He was going to have a panic attack if he carried on like he was. He didn’t want to force that on Bucky. Not another thing for Bucky to deal with. So he keeps quiet and doesn’t say anything.

“Recommend me a book?” Steve asks instead, curling up in the corner of a couch cradling his cup while Bucky looked at the shelves.  
“Frankenstein?” Bucky holds the book up and Steve nods, so Bucky takes it over and Steve sets in to read.

Bucky sits on the opposite end of the couch, gently tugging at Steve’s feet until they’re resting in his lap. Steve lets them rest there, shifting to get himself comfortable before they sit in silence. Each engrossed in their books while Bucky tries to pin point the feeling of misplacement he feels.  
  
//

Continuing in a fashion, Bucky heals as their relationship draws apart. Steve becomes a little more closed off every day as Bucky grows better.  
“I think he’s getting ill.” Sam offers when Bucky asks. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him!” Bucky cracks one night, the first time Steve thought it was appropriate to lock himself in his room, and everybody out a week and a half after their first proper kiss. Natasha was sitting with him, the house quiet as most had gone to bed.  
“Maybe he’s overwhelmed. It’s a big shift going from acquaintances to husbands and then reverting back to an almost relationship. Nothing about this has been done right. You just have to give him time James.” The red head runs a hand through his hair as he sits.   
“I thought it would get better once we talked, but it’s got worse!”

He doesn’t understand what had happened. Their natural chemistry had dissipated. Instead of feeling like they had known one another for years, they had dwindled into them feeling like strangers.

They had gone from good friends with an underlying want of more to something far less in a matter of days. It was horrible and he hated it.   
“What have I done wrong?” He asks Natasha who shrugs.  
“Nothing, just give him time.”

Time, he could give Steve time.

Time, as it was, was not on their side. The house becomes cold and unbearable. With forced conversation and stilted silence. Why had they kissed? Why had they had to ruin everything? How had Steve just turned? So quickly and coldly that nobody had seen it coming.

It took another week for him to be fully reclusive, not coming down, having Sam bring his food. Faking sickness as he coughed his way through the days. Bucky heard him, through his closed door as he pleaded to know what was wrong. He never got an answer. Where had things gone? One day he was waking with Steve beside him, happy to be husbands and possibly on their way to love.

Maybe they had moved too quick? They had pushed themselves too far. A friendship had been formed to hurriedly as they dove straight in. Speaking about their past experiences had pushed them over the edge into something more that turned horribly wrong.

Bucky could see now, that they should not have pushed each other. Things should have happened gradually. But it was done now. And Steve had turned reclusive while Bucky sulked and healed.

//

Steve hadn’t spoken in days. Sam tried, he tried and cajoled and poked and prodded. But something had caught Steve and he couldn’t shake it. He got too wrapped up in his head. Everything was blurry and dizzy. His glasses were left on his bedside table.

Everything had gone wrong. Everything. And it was all his fault.

He couldn’t eat or sleep, he heard the staff creep around, and he could hear Bucky at his door, begging to be told what was wrong. Steve was a horrible human being, making such a kind man suffer. But what was he to do? How could he go out there and tell Bucky that he didn’t want the relationship, that he felt like Bucky owed him and was only doing him a favour. How he felt like he was trapping Bucky.

Bucky would realise, he would see that Steve was right and leave him. And he should do, Steve was causing him pain he could hear it in his voice. In the small notes Bucky left with the food.

_Please talk to me._

_I’m sorry._

_Come out Steve please._

_Do you need to see a doctor please keep yourself healthy._

_I’m worried please I’m sorry._

_We’re friends. Please don’t let me have ruined that._

_Steve please._

_Steve, I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry._

Steve didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t understand why he did what he did. He was withdrawn, but it can’t have been his own doing. He just got so inside his head that he couldn’t function. Everything had gotten to him so badly, he never wanted to hurt everyone and he had. He hurt everyone. His head was against him, and he let it do so. He was aching all over and his eyes had been puffy and sore for days.

Two weeks passed slowly and he didn’t come out. Just sulked and slept. Barely eating the food Sam forced him to eat.   
“What’s wrong Steve?” He coaxed, sitting on Steve’s bed.  
“I don’t know.” He wasn’t lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I said three weeks, but what happened is that people staying here = me hiding a lot and getting writing done so there you are! Also it's a Thursday again because i'm out tomorrow. You watch, slowly the day will fully change to Thursday. However, the three week thing still stands as I have holiday/school stuff to bother with.
> 
> Also I would like to believe that this is the one of the few last angsty (and randomly turn in the wrong direction for no apparent reason) chapters but I could go and add more stuff again so we'll see what future me does!
> 
> As always I have a tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) if you wanna check that out.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been a month since Bucky had seen or heard from Steve. He stopped asking for information from Sam, not wanting to push. It was a lost cause regardless. The staff hadn’t seen Steve, Natasha hadn’t and Sam was closed lip about him.

“He’s, it’s horrible Natasha. He doesn’t do anything but sleep and eat. I’m terrified.” He had heard Sam confess to Natasha one night, and had crept away without letting on that he had heard anything.

Which was why it wasn’t a surprise when Steve goes missing.

It’s horrendously late when Sam bursts into his room. Bucky is still up reading, but he jumps and hisses as his side was still tender.  
“Sam?”  
“Have you seen Steve? He’s not in his room or in the house, I don’t want to wake anybody up to look for him in case he’s just wandered somewhere but I can’t find him. Natasha is up too. We’ve looked everywhere.” He’s panicked and crazy around the eyes. Bucky is up in an instant.  
“Wake the staff up. Get everybody searching, the grounds too. He’s small and his breathing is horrible so he shouldn’t go far.”  
“Thanks for that” Sam wheezes out but he goes and Bucky can hear him running upstairs.

He dons his house coat, putting on some sturdy shoes and goes downstairs to grab a lamp. He had healed significantly in the month that Steve had abruptly shut himself away. Going downstairs, he grabs a lamp from the porch and lights it, making his way outside. Steve was one for dramatics, Bucky had found out in the two months that he had been in the household. The month he had spent locked away being evidence of that. Although Bucky knew there was far more to it than that, and Steve was probably in danger, he needed to make light of the situation in case he burst into tears.

Steve was missing, and Bucky thought that he was probably running away. For the ‘sake of everyone else’. They knew more about each other than they thought. Steve was a martyr. Bucky knew that all too well.

“Steve!” He calls out, heading down the house’s path towards the main road. “Steve!” He shouts again, lamp going back and forth as he looks. He keeps to the bushes, looking under them just in case something bad had happened and Steve had fallen. “Steve!” He carries on calling, shifting in the undergrowth as he goes. The road between the Barnes home and road was a long one, one that dwindled and twisted so it takes him time to get there. He’s walking as fast as he can without missing anything, not wanting to lose Steve just in case he had ran away.

When he gets to the main road he turns left, there’s a faint glow in the distance for the nearest town so it would make sense that Steve turned that way.  
“Steve!” He calls again, and the panic finally sets into his throat. It had been bubbling for a while, since Sam told him Steve was gone. And it had finally hit his vocal chords. His voice cracks and he chokes as he calls. “It’s not funny anymore Steve please!” He shouts louder than he probably should. Why did Steve have to do this?

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until his breathing starts to hitch in his chest.   
“For fucks sake.” He mutters, bringing the lamp up to his face he uses his wrist to wipe at his face. “Steve for goodness sake where are you?”

There’s a sound a few paces away. A choke that’s familiar and welcomed and completely not at the same time. It’s followed by a cough. A hacking one and an attempt to keep it quiet.  
“Steve?” Bucky jogs over to the sound, hope filling his chest as he falls to his knees in the gravel beside the darkened lump by the wall. “Steve?” He asks again and there’s a cough in confirmation. He holds the lamp up, hands shaking. The light is grimy and dim but it reveals Steve’s form. He’s cowering, dressed warmly but not enough for the night chill.

“Bucky, Bucky I’m sorry. Please. Don’t.” The blondes hands are shaking as he reaches for his inhaler, and he’s paler than normal.  
“Oh Steve.” Bucky can’t help himself, he puts the lamp down and embraces Steve, pulling the smaller to his chest as he cried. “You don’t ever to that to me again you hear me? Not the recluse act or the running away. You don’t do that to me ever again.” Steve’s arms are like a vice around his torso, clinging on just as badly as Bucky.  
“I won’t. I promise you I won’t. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me I’m sorry.” He’s sobbing too, and he’s still shaking.

“Come on, you’ll catch your death out here. Where are your things? You can’t run away without things.”  
“I didn’t go out intending to run away.” They break away, and Steve picks up the lamp. “I just, had to clear my head. I had to get out. But then I started walking and just didn’t stop. I did though, when I saw you. I thought the shouting was just my imagination.”  
“When we get back, we’re going to make ourselves a drink, send the staff back to bed, shoo Sam and Natasha away and talk.” Bucky decides, keeping close to Steve as they walk back up to the house.

The lights were on and welcoming as they got back up.  
“Steve’s here! I’ve got him!” Bucky tells the house when they enter the front doors. Sam comes down first, eyes widening before running over to Steve and nearly knocking him over.  
“You’re a complete bastard Steven Grant Rogers. You ever run away on me again and I swear on my life that I will find you and go to kill you myself do you hear me?” His hands are gripping Steve’s shoulders tightly and there are unshed tears in his eyes but the nod Steve gives him causes him to collapse.

“I’ll go round up the search party.”   
“Sam, round everybody up and send them to bed, Steve and I are going to talk.” Bucky directs, pulling up to his full height as he puts on his ‘head of the house’ voice. “I think a conversation is well overdue.”  
“I’ll tell Natasha.” Sam nods before scurrying off, leaving with a parting hug to both Steve and Bucky.

Steve blows out the lamp in his hand and sets it to the side as Bucky strides off into the kitchen, not waiting for Steve to follow. He’s already filling the kettle when Steve gets into the warm and cozy room.  
“Sit down, I’ll make us both some cocoa and we can chat.” He’s still holding onto his stern tone of voice so Steve sits at the staffs table, running his fingers comfortingly over the beaten and marked soft wood. Anxiously, he bounces his leg, taking off his overcoat and twisting to drape it across the back of the chair. They stay in a tense silence, Bucky preparing the drinks as if there’s all the time in the world and Steve sitting like caught deer waiting for slaughter. They did have all the time in the world though. If Steve thought about it.

“Now Steve.” Bucky finally sits down, bringing first Steve’s, and then his own drink to the table. Steve’ chewing thoroughly on his lip by this point, and snatches at the drink to warm his hands.   
“Yes?”  
“I think it’s time we talk. We haven’t done this properly since the beginning of our relationship, and Natasha sat me down to tell me that she thinks it’s wrong that we haven’t. She’s right of course, like always.” He chuckles, picking his own cup up. “Although she suggested we actually physically write down a timeline and objectives, I won’t go that far.”  
“That’s a good idea.” Steve nods, mainly to himself, wanting to let Bucky talk.

“Now, we got married then became quick friends with an underlying attraction. One that we both shared correct?”  
“Yes.” Steve agrees. “I thought you were so handsome at the wedding.” The admittance is not met with a teasing comment, but a sigh of relief. “Good, I thought I had pushed you into something you didn’t want.”  
“Oh no” Steve’s face flares as it’s Bucky’s turn to look down. “You never forced me into anything.”  
“Alright.” Bucky’s losing his harsh tone now as they sit. “So then, I got hurt and afterwards we barely touched on anything important but we spoke.”  
“Which was a step in the right direction.” Steve brings his drink up and takes a sip, burning his tongue.  
“But not a big one. So we spoke. And we started something. Although because we didn’t communicate it turned out wrong.”  
“Yes that was my fault.”  
“No it wasn’t.” firm in his conviction, Bucky looks at Steve “We were both to blame for that. However maybe we should talk about it now.”

Bucky watches Steve shuffle in his seat, playing with the cuffs of his shirt.  
“Then there are things I must tell you.” Steve finally says, and it looks like a weight has been lifted already from his slight shoulders.  
“Go on then.” A gentle prompt is all that’s needed.  
“Well, I have many illness'. Not just asthma and fatigue. I have a weak heart along with a heart murmur. I have anaemia and high blood pressure along with scoliosis, and my father died of TB. And as you know i’m colour blind and short sighted. I get panicked easily, which triggers my asthma and can go into downwards spirals of petty sadness. I become distant and cruel for no reason sometimes, when the panic overtakes me and I am not good company when it happens.” He finishes, shifting his eyes downwards and taking another long drink. Bucky just sits back, processing the information.

“I lost my family, and I get nightmares so bad I wake up screaming. I get phantom pains in the limb that isn’t there and get panicked like you do. My work is tedious and I don’t have to do it but I do to keep up appearances. I go numb, on occasion and there are days when Natasha is the only one who can talk me back to the present. I get flashbacks sometimes, not as often as I used to and I know that the crash will haunt me to the day I die. I saw my sister dying, I tried to drag her out but it was no use.” Bucky offers up to the quiet room. They both had to have their problems on the table if this was going to work.

They let everything sink in for a good few minutes, contemplating the other as they sipped and thought. Bucky watches as Steve puts his drink down, hands in his lap as he finally looks Bucky in the eyes.  
“I have an inferiority complex. I drew myself in due to my panic that you wouldn’t want me, and that I was lying to you.” He takes a breath to fortify himself and Bucky lets him speak “We rushed right into this relationship, and it hasn’t been good for either of us.”  
“That’s very true.” Bucky leans against the table as they sit in another silence. How could Steve think Bucky wouldn’t want him? “But now that we know. We can work towards something better.”

Bucky’s voice had gone back to being reassuring, a calming presence.  
“So what are we going to do?” Steve asks. He finishes his drink in one big gulp, setting the cup back on the table a little too harshly as it makes him jump.  
“Would you like to start again? Properly I mean. The marriage we share just be something on paper and not binding.”  
“I thought we-“ Steve’s mind jumps to the worse conclusions first and Bucky must see it on his face  
“Oh no, I mean we start being friends first again, let something naturally develop. Properly court, with proper procedure and etiquette.” He clarifies, and Steve’s breathing evens out. That sounded like a good idea. A great one even.

He tells Bucky as such and Bucky preens.  
“I know it is. It’s how we should have acted from the beginning. So what do you say Stevie?” He leans forward heavily onto his elbow, ducking his head to look Steve in the eye “You want me to court you? Dates and everything.”  
“No horse riding though.” Steve says firmly and Bucky smiles nodding.  
“Okay no horse riding. But a lot of talking. Can we start talking from now on?” Steve finally smiles, and the smile turns into a full on beam.  
“Yes, alright yes. We can start again.”

Just like the first night that Steve had stayed in the house, the house he now could easily call home, they split off at their rooms.  
“Good night Stevie.”  
“Good night Buck.”

And it was, for the first time in two months, they both slept well, smiles on their faces as they awaited the next day to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the break, my laptop broke on me and i've only just got it fixed within the past couple of days so I'm really sorry about that. Also, i've just started college and i've barely had time to breath so I'm having to change my three weeks between updates to a month between them so again I'm super duper sorry! As always thank you for reading and commenting and leaving kudos and subscribing oh my goodness!


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning there’s a small meeting called in the dining room.  
“Good morning everybody, I hope everybody slept well last night after the ordeal” Bucky begins, standing up in his place as he talks. There are mutterings of agreement. “Good, now I was hoping that we could talk briefly about what has been happening these past few weeks. Due to some miscommunication on Steve and I’s parts, the house has not been an enjoyable one to live in and we are deeply sorry about that. From now on, things are going to change.” Bucky looks down at Steve and smiles. “We’re officially courting, and would appreciate if none of you told anyone. I know you won’t.” He says to the scandalised eyebrows “But I had to ask anyway, just in case. And we want to apologise again for the trouble we collectively caused you.”  
“We really are sorry.” Steve pipes up, looking guilty but happy.

“That’s wonderful.” Trudy, ever the speaker for the staff, says first, clapping her hands together. “And are you feeling better Steven?”  
“Yes Trudy thank you.”  
“Wonderful. Now come on everybody, back to work. It’s Sunday tomorrow and you know we have to work extra hard on Saturdays to make up for the day of rest on Sundays." It was always a joke they shared, since Bucky had started giving them all the day off.  
“Thank you.” Bucky pulls Trudy aside as everyone files out.  
  
“My pleasure Master Barnes, we want to see you happy and Steven makes you happy. We would do anything for the two of you.”  
“I know.”  
“Now I best be off, are the two of you wanting breakfast?” She’s beaming already so Bucky lets her go, sitting himself next to Steve.

“And how are we this morning? Your side not giving you any trouble?” Steve opens the conversation, smiling privately to himself after watching Bucky and Trudy talk. He knew how important Trudy was to Bucky, and how much Trudy worried over Bucky in turn.  
“Not much, Natasha forced some painkillers on me, but the stitching has mostly healed by now.” Bucky nods, turning to face Steve a little and they smile. “How are you doing?”  
“My nose is a little stuffy, but nothing too bad.”  
“I’m glad.”

They sit there together in a relative silence, both sipping comfortably at their drinks as breakfast is served. Steve lets himself sneak glances at Bucky, who was doing his best to keep his eyes on the morning paper and not miss his mouth at the same time while he fed himself toast. There’s a moment when he misses, poking himself forcefully in the cheek that leaves him with crumbs everywhere and Steve laughing loudly.

“My goodness Mr Barnes” He sniggers, reaching out with his napkin to dab at Bucky’s face “You are a messy one.”  
“Be quiet you.” Grouchily, Bucky lets Steve pat at his face, but his eyes are smiling so Steve doesn’t take offence. Instead, he pokes at Bucky’s cheek with his finger, wiping away the excess crumbs  
“I would have thought you could feed yourself by now but apparently not.”  
“Oh yes make fun of the one armed man.”  
“I wouldn’t make fun if you had any co-ordination.” Bucky looks over him, finally sniggering too.  
“I guess I really don’t have any co-ordination do I.”  
“I don’t understand how you missed your mouth,” Steve glances back, sly smile on his lips “It’s certainly big enough.”

“Oh my gosh one of these days Rogers you are going to get it!” Threatening with the remainder of his crust, Bucky shoves it into his mouth, using the time to swallow. They were still a little tense, which was to be expected. But the sleep and positivity from the staff had done them both the world of good. Bucky would rather them be a little tense but able to joke than locked away and not speaking.

He disliked thinking of the previous four weeks, they had been filled with nothing but gloom and despair. Now, he was thankful that they had decided to embark on a new chapter. And he was ready to start courting Steve as soon as possible. Joking and laughing, he decided was the first step in the right direction.

“Oh so you two have finally gotten your act together.” Sam comes in, sitting down at the table opposite Steve. “After breakfast I’ll be needing a word.” He’s glaring, but it’s one filled with worry so Steve only fears it a little as he starts to slowly chew on his toast.  
“Sam, calm down-“  
“No I will not calm down. You almost died.” He pauses to get his breathing back under control “Again! You almost died again!”

Swallowing, Steve reaches out, laying a hand on Sam’s arm.  
“I’m really sorry Sam. We can talk it over later okay.”  
“We will talk it over later Rogers. Before we all talk to Natasha.”

“Natasha?” Bucky finally speaks up, and Steve looks at him out the corner of his eye, seeing the confusion written all over his face.  
“Yes, since you’re both now courting. Natasha and I have decided to supervise, like any authority figure would in this situation. We are not having a repeat of this whole situation again.”  
“So we’re having chaperones?” Bucky questions, putting down his drink to ask and give the conversation his full attention.  
“Yes you are. Now come on Steve, you can see Lord Barnes later.”

Staring after them, Bucky watches as the two men leave, Sam practically dragging Steve behind him and up the stairs to have their private conversation. Sighing, Bucky finishes his drink before standing, deciding to go and find Natasha after what Sam had just revealed.

She isn’t hard to track down.

“Natasha, why are you wanting to talk? We already did if you remember.” Bucky watches as her eys flash with annoyance, a mood that was common on her features as she was quick to rile.  
“I do, which is why we’re talking again. I’de best wait until Steven and Sam are here though. They would want to know everything too and I refuse to repeat myself.”  
“Come on please.”  
“No.”

“Steve please.” In another room, Sam’s perched on a chair with Steve opposite, biting at his nails. “What was running through your head?”  
“I had to get out. I felt trapped.”  
“You could have told me.”  
“I didn’t want to burden anyone.” Steve’s voice is getting smaller as he talks, avoiding looking at Sam and instead studying the walls, the floor, anywhere.  
“You wouldn’t Steve. Instead you scared us all half to death.”  
“I didn’t meant to.”  
“I know.” Getting up slowly, Sam stands in front of Steve, placing his hands on Steve’s arms. “Now come on, give me a hug.” They embrace, Steve collapsing a little into his best friends arms.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Just tell us next time alright?”  
“Alright.” Breaking way Steve nods before straightening as much as he can. “Now shall we go find the others?”

They gather in the library again, Steve and Bucky sharing a couch while Natasha and Sam stand over them, looking like exasperated parents.  
“Now both of you have agreed to courting. That means no contact, no sneaking out on dates without us there. However, because you are married, things will run slightly differently.” Natasha informs the duo who keep trying to sneak glances at the other.  
“We will continue as we have so far. Which is basically the two of you being holed up in the library but you will have either of us chaperoning you the whole time until anything progresses.” Sam continues.  
“Yes, now any questions?” Natasha takes over, crossing her arms as both Steve and Bucky stare at them.

“I don’t think so?” Steve offers, Bucky nodding in agreement.  
“It’s a pretty simple concept.” Bucky nods too.  
“Good.” Nodding back, Sam and Natasha share a look. This whole situation would probably be trickier than they had planned. But they were willing to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super short chapter i'm sorry, also i'm sorry about the upcoming irregular (or just very spaced out) updates. This story is coming to end, there are only a few chapters left. However i'm already working on the deleted scenes/missing chapters offshoot that i'll start posting after this finishes up. Thank you for reading and commenting and everything else, it means a lot :)


	16. Chapter 16

On their first official date whilst courting it pours down. So they're stuck together in the barn with the horses, picnic laid out on the hay without Sam or Natasha in sight. It wasn't unusual for a freak thunderstorm to hit, but it was heavy enough that neither man wanted to chance running back into the house. 

Which left them to wait it out, practically weighed down with food but with light hearts.

"So are you honestly telling me that you used to be scared of horses?" Bucky asks, gesturing with a piece of his sandwich as the horses stomp their feet a little as he talks. "Horses are lovely creatures I just don't understand."  
"I don't understand how you can still like them after what happened." Steve shuddered at the thought, wrapping the spare blanket tighter around himself as he ate. It wasn't that he hated horses, he just didn't get their existence.   
Shrugging, Bucky takes another bite "Because it wasn't their fault? And, that wasn't the first time i've fallen off a horse. I'm practically trained in falling from them at this point."

Steve still didn't get it, but he was willing to look past it. Instead he turns his head to the horses and stares for a minute. They were jumpy because of the storm, but Bucky being there seemed to help an awful lot which Steve related to. Storms made him jumpy too, but having Bucky's quiet and cheerful conversation helped.

"So, are you willing to show me some more art soon? I know you have your sketchbook with you."  
"Is that a request or a command?" Steve rolls his eyes at Bucky's blatant curiosity even as he starts rooting through his bag to fish it out. He was hesitant, but this was a new beginning for him and Bucky so he was going to start opening up more, and that meant showing Bucky some of his art work. "It's mainly portraits." Muttering, because even though he was going to be open didn't mean he wasn't going to be shy about it, Steve hands the book over and both men make a point of brushing their fingers against each others whilst handling it. Not bothering to hide their smiles from one another.

The book itself was worn and old, well loved. And Bucky held it like he was handling a newborn baby. Steve wasn't going to watch while Bucky looked through his work but he found that he couldn't help himself. First out of fright that Bucky might hate what he saw and then because he simply couldn't look away. The soft look on Bucky's face and the awe in his eyes was breath taking. He was so careful with each page, taking his time to look over each image, and never once did he grimace or look disgusted with what he saw.

"I knew you were good Stevie but holy shit." Chuckling, Bucky runs his fingers over the dried paint on one of the images of the landscape, much like the one Steve had given to him that he had framed after the accident. 

Pushing the thoughts of the accident and what followed it to the back of his mind for the moment, Bucky looks at the drawings carefully, taking his time as he pores over them. He and Steve had been talking more, and the incident had been talked out an numerous occasions since their new beginning with Steve's assurance that he would tell somebody if he got bad again. Bucky was just glad he got the chance to spend time with the man once again comfortably. Getting to the last few sketches of the book he stops, the last one was of him. Just sitting reading, it looked as though it was when Bucky was reading to Steve. And if that was so then it must have been from memory as Steve never drew while Bucky read out loud to him.

Warmth seeps into Bucky's bones and spreads across his face as he looks down at the image, glancing up in time to see Steve blushing.  
"You can draw me from memory?" There's stammering and a deeper blush from Steve after Bucky asks, so to ease that Bucky reaches out to take Steve's hand "I think that's wonderful. And proves that you stare at me just as much as I stare at you." Smiling still, Steve finally looks up into Bucky's eyes with a small smile of his own.  
"I'm glad we stare at each other in equal amounts." He admits, but the smile is quickly wiped off his face as there is another rather violent jolt of thunder and lightning.

Steve jumps where he sits, heart racing as there's another flash of lightning in the doorway of the stables. The horses start stomping around again and Bucky is up, hand brushing comfortably over Steve's shoulder as he goes to calm the horses down. Their breath goes from snorted terror to relatively calm as Bucky talks to them and calms them down, and Steve finds that he's slowly getting up too. Carefully, because he doesn't want to spook them even more, he goes over to the horses and starts to pet them, starting with Bonny as Bucky was busy with Winter and Storm.

Bonny herself was stamping and fidgeting, tossing her mane a little as Steve goes over.  
"Hey Bonny." He was a little nervous, but Bonny had been good to him, and she wasn't thrashing around wildly like Winter had been so he carries on approaching. If Bucky could do it after getting hurt by them then Steve could do it too. "Easy girl." And it felt good to be doing what Bucky did as Steve's actions would surely bring them closer together. At least in Steve's mind, if he was going to show willing with Bucky's horses then Bucky would see that he was willing to find out more about Bucky and bring them closer together. Bonny snorts back at Steve, hesitantly moving her head a little towards the blonde as Steve reaches his hands out, placing them on her neck before petting her properly.

The rain is still pouring outside, enough that it sounds heavy as it hits the roof of the stables as Bucky and Steve work at keeping the horses and themselves calm. Steve continues to run his hands over the mare's neck and head, muttering to her under his breath as her breathing slows back down to normal. The quiet murmuring next to him confirms that Bucky is doing the same.

"Hey Buck, I'm getting a little light headed you okay with Bonny too?" Steve eventually asks, thinking of the flask of tea on the blanket.  
"Of course." Concerned Bucky looks over as Steve shuffles onto the blanket and Steve just smiles tiredly back. He probably hadn't eaten enough today if he was like this so he opens the flask and sits crossed legged with the warmth in his hands, looking over the food selection. After a drink and a regaining of his thoughts he picks up a slice of cake, uncaring as he stuffs his face with it, grinning closed mouthed at Bucky who sits down next to him. 

"You cold?" Bucky looks Steve over, the frail man didn't seem to realize he was shivering so Bucky puts his arm around him, drawing him close as Steve finishes his food.  
"Not anymore." Shrugging, Steve burrows into Bucky's side and Bucky feels him nose at his ribs before settling.  
"How do you think Natasha and Sam are faring?" Bucky asks Steve, looking down to watch Steve shrug again.  
"Probably losing their minds at giving us an unchaperoned date." Grin turning devilish, Steve looks back up at Bucky and the two lock eyes "They probably think we're fucking. Or crying. Either one."  
"We are a pair of criers aren't we?"  
"That's not a bad thing."  
"No." Agreeing, Bucky nods to himself "Although why would they think we would be having sex in a stable? That's really unhygienic."  
"You know us. Crazy kids and all that."  
"They aren't that much older than us!" Laughing and shaking his head Bucky shifts so that he's curled more around Steve. "But I guess we did give them enough reason to worry. Although we're fine now. And we will continue to be fine."

The surety in his voice is enough for Steve to sag against Bucky, face turned into his side as he pulls his legs up to rest on Bucky's.  
"Yeah we're gonna be fine." He nods, and he means it. "You want the rest of the cake?" Without thinking, Steve reaches for the last slice and grabs it, shoving it into Bucky's face and smearing it along Bucky's mouth, fingers catching on Bucky's lips and jaw as he goes. 

Laughing loudly he breaks away, scrambling to the other side of the blanket to watch Bucky's face morph from confusion to playful outrage.  
"What the hell Steve? Oh you're going to get it!" It's completely turn from how calm they were a few seconds ago, but it's good. Both men are scrambling for the cold foods, Bucky still with cake on his face as he aims fruit and handfuls of jelly at Steve as they cackle and shout at each other.  
"You're going down Barnes!" Steve gasps as Bucky flings a sandwich into his face, ham hanging from his glasses before Steve throws a handful of chopped up fruit.  
"You think so Stevie?" Taunting, Bucky throws another piece of bread, picking up some biscuits to throw at Steve before surging forward, knocking the flask over as well as Steve who lands on his back, grinning cheekily up at Bucky who lands on top of him.

"You have a little-" Gesturing to the bottom half of Bucky's face, Steve reaches up and wipes away some of the sponge and cream before liking it off his finger, laughing again loudly as Bucky follows with his eyes. Bucky was holding himself up on his arm, but he was heavy enough that Steve felt safe underneath him. "And some." Leaning up, craning his neck, Steve licks at Bucky's chin before moving over to kiss the man, tasting cake and tea, earning a startled grunt and Bucky to land his full weight onto Steve's chest.

"Oh shit." Coughing, Bucky rolls off Steve and helps the man sit up, kneeling over him as Steve coughs too, choking while trying to get his breath back. "I'm so sorry Stevie you just surprised me." Waving a hand, Bucky watches with a distraught sense of panic as Steve sits up completely, coughing growing less harsh as he gets his breath back.  
"Stop worrying you great lump." The Horses had stopped, and so had the rain and thunder. But neither man notice as Steve slowly brings Bucky forward again by taking the front of his shirt. "You want to try that again?" It's Bucky's turn to fall backwards as they carry on oblivious, Steve lying on Bucky's chest as they start kissing, gentle and quiet with Bucky's hand in Steve's hair and Steve's hands fisted in Bucky's shirt. Steve's still warm from the food fight, and he can taste more cake on Bucky's tongue, feeling it under his fingers as he moves one of his hands to the brunettes jaw, still careful of Bucky's side which, despite Bucky's protests, Steve was still wary about.

"Told you this would happen. This is why they need to be watched!" An annoyed voice breaks them apart, as well as hands on Steve's shoulders that pull him up. Steve comes face to face with Sam and Natasha. Sam who was smirking and Natasha who was glaring, helping Bucky up. "Boys, what the heck has been going on here?" She stands beside Sam, arms crossed and foot tapping as they all survey the mess.   
"You've got a little-" Sam gestures to the entirety of his face as he looks at the pair and Steve can't do anything but preen under their gaze. He had to admit that this was all pretty funny.  
"We know." Steve finds his voice, and that's the last straw before Sam's snorting, turning away from them before Natasha's slapping him on the arm, Sam joining in the list of people being glared out.  
"Stop encouraging them."

"We aren't children Nat." Blowing his hair from his face Bucky glares back. "We weren't doing anything, in fact. We made the best of a bad situation! I got Steve to eat and I did my fair share. Nobody's crying and the horses are completely fine. And nobody is soaking wet!" He turns, grabbing Steve to pull the man under his arm. Both of them start glaring at Natasha.  
"I'll stop treating you like children when you stop acting like it." Natasha hisses, but she's biting her lip as Sam cracks up, hands on his knees as he wheezes with laughter. 

"Can we go back to the house now?" Bucky questions, leaving Steve to go up to Natasha and pout at her, finally getting her to smile fully. Resulting in her hiding behind her hands.  
"No, you're going to clean up. You made the mess."  
"But Nat-"  
"No buts." The smiles remains but she's firm with her command so the two boys start to tidy, piling anything that wasn't smeared on the floor neatly into the basket. There wasn't much considering they had eaten a lot, but there was still enough that there was quite a bit on the floor.

"I'll go and get some water and scrub brushes. Wait here. Sam, watch them." Sam nods at Natasha as the red head swans back up to the house.  
"So, what did you guys do?" Steve's putting his sketchbook into his bag, but he looks up at Sam's tone. The helper was wiggling his eyebrows at the two of them.  
"Food fight, chatted. Calmed the horses down."Bucky answers as Steve blushes and goes back to tidying.  
"And what was that that we walked in on?"  
"Payback." The nonchalance in Bucky's voice get's Sam laughing again.  
"If you say so. Although Natasha will probably want to talk to you about it later. After we've cleaned up."

"You mean after they've cleaned up?" Natasha's back quickly and handing the cleaning supplies over. "And I will want to talk later James."

The talk after dinner is full of blushing and over sharing. Both Steve and Bucky are seated on the couch in the library, worn from their day. While Sam and Natasha are trying to be subtle about their cuddling on the other couch as everyone basks in the light of the fire.  
"There is nothing wrong with kissing!" Bucky protests, waving his arm around.   
"It is if you're covered in cake." Sam snorts.   
"The cake made it more interesting." Smirking, the conversation causes Steve to turn the colour of the fire, bright red. Much to the delight of Bucky who runs his fingers over the mans cheek and down his neck.  
"You're killing him." Interrupting to take pity on Steve, she turns the conversation to the next day. 

Bucky ignores the chatter between Sam and Natasha in favor of running his fingers through the hair at the nape of Steve's neck. The blonde strands caught on his fingers, causing Steve to shiver a little before blushing deeper and curling into Bucky's side, a position which Bucky figured was no Steve's default when they were near each other. It was cute, Bucky appreciated it. He liked the feeling of protecting and comforting Steve.  
"You okay? Sorry for baiting Sam. I didn't mean to embarrass you." Whispering, as he didn't want Sam or Natasha hearing him he leans closer to Steve.   
"Hmmm. No it's okay. I don't mind. Any way to ruffle Sam's feather is alright by me." Smiling sleepily, Steve looks back up. "I think i'm going to go to bed soon though. We have another date tomorrow and I want to be positively awake."  
"Do you want me to walk you to your room?" Bucky asks, going to get up and help Steve but Steve just shakes his head.  
"You stay here and entertain these two. I'll be fine." Standing and stretching, back cracking a little, Steve leans back down to kiss Bucky's forehead. "I'll see you all in the morning."

Bucky watches him go. Eyes only turning back to his friends when the door shuts.  
"You really do love him don't you?" Sam's voice is soft, unlike how it was teasing before. Bucky just nods.  
"Of course I do. It's not hard to love Steve Rogers."

Steve is nearly asleep when there's a quiet knock at his door. Scrambling for his glasses, he sits upright.  
"Come in?" The door opens, and somebody slips inside the room before the crack of light from the hall disappears.  
"Can I sleep here?" Bucky doesn't wait for an answer and climbs into the bed, feet practically freezing Steve as he gets under the covers and snuggles into Steve.

Steve puts his arm around Bucky's waist, pulling the covers tighter around them and shifting his feet so that there's room for Bucky's at the pocket he'd created at the bottom of the bed spread. Bucky smelt like sleep and mint, and he's slow to warm as they breath in sync. The covers are soft, and Bucky's hand at the base of Steve's back rubbing at his spine is enough for Steve to fall back into comfort. 

"Did you have a good day today?" Bucky asks, breath close enough to ghost over Steve's closed eyes.  
"Of course I did. The picnic was lovely, and the food fight of course."  
"Even the cleaning afterwards?"  
"The cleaning afterwards was also fun." The small water fight that had occurred between the two had earned them a rollicking from Natasha, and they had walked back to the house shame faced but happy. Hands clasped together.  
"And you've warmed up now? You're not cold or feeling ill?"  
"I'm not sneezing, and you're like a human fire so i'm not cold either."

This arrangement was expected now. Bucky would creep into Steve's room after their shared day and they would go over everything that happened. Quiet and hushed, they would smile as they spoke about what they liked or anything they were worried about. Bucky would always ask of Steve's health and both would check in with their emotions.

"Are you feeling bad?" Bucky inspects, hand moving briefly from Steve's back to cup the mans face.  
"Not at all. Are you doing well?"  
"I've never been better."  
"Did I hurt your side?" Steve remembers that he had fallen on Bucky, and his hand goes to Bucky's side.  
"It's a little tender but nothing to worry about."  
"Okay." He carries on running his hand over Bucky's side for a minute before shoving his head under Bucky's chin, forcing the man to hold onto him tighter. "I love you you know."  
"I love you too."  
"We're going to be okay, right?" He's talking to Bucky's heart, feels the beat in his own ears as Bucky answer.  
"We're going to be okay. Now are you going to go to sleep? We have a big day tomorrow. I'm going to take you into the village."  
"Are we going to go shopping?""  
"Yes."  
"Sounds good." He shuts up, eyes closing fully as he listens to Bucky's heart beat.  
"Love you."  
"Love you too Buck."

The pair fall asleep, tangled together. Feeling safe and loved in each others arms. The next morning when they stumble form the room, nobody says anything. Just like they never say anything about the way Bucky always follows Steve with adoring eyes, or the way Steve constantly reaches out for Bucky no matter the circumstance. The shared food and clothing goes unnoticed, and the library becomes the place to look for the men. Constantly together, mainly laughing or smiling, or just sitting quietly and enjoying each others presence. Everything was fine, they had a bright future ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of things in college being so stressful and by accidentally breaking my laptop by spilling tea all over it, i've sadly had to cut this story short i'm really sorry, I didn't want to :(. The next chapter is the last one and is going to be the epilogue. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading so far and will stick with me until the end. Thank you :)


	17. Chapter 17 - Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set nine months later.

Bucky is nervous as all hell, Natasha doing his tie for him in the mirror while Sam was probably upstairs doing the same with Steve. The dining room table had been decked out in it’s more fancy table settings, and there was a vicar in the front room having a cup of tea with Trudy.

“You scared?” Natasha asks, voice soft as he straightens out his shirt, fussing over him like a mother hen.  
“Is it weird to say not at all. We’ve already done this before.” Bucky chuckles, squirming away from her and her constant nit picking as he turns to the mirror. He runs his hand through his hair as he looks, squinting and leaning in to check that everything was straight and in order.

“You were a lot more nervous the first time round.” Natasha agrees, moving forward to stand next to him. “I’m really proud of you, you know.” She’s smiling, small and resolute as they look at each other through the mirror. “You’ve grown so much in the last year, and I know that you and Steve had a rocky start but.” Her stare intensifies “You’ve both done so much.”

Flashes of the past nine months flash before Bucky’s eyes. Dates and conversations and a seemingly never ending flood of happy memories.  
  
“I am very appreciative of the both of you.” She admits, turning to him as Bucky looks down at her.  
“And that’s just because I employ you right?” He smirks and she shakes her head, the teasing gone from her smile.  
“No, because you’re my friend.” She wouldn’t cry, because Natasha wasn’t a crier. But Bucky knew that if she was, she’d be crying buckets.  
“Come on, let’s go and get me hitched huh.”

“You nervous?” Sam asks from upstairs, fussing over Steve’s glasses and hair, fluffing Steve before Steve’s pushing him away, laughing and batting at his friend.  
“Get off Sam. And no, I’m not oddly enough.” He can’t stop smiling, cheeks hurting a little from the strain as he bounces on his toes. His suit was fitted, and he couldn’t stop moving. Meaning that Sam had to hold him still while he fussed over Steve’s hair.  
“Stop moving. You’ll be down there soon.” Sam’s chuckling, and Steve knew it was because he was acting like a child hopped up on sugar. But he couldn’t care.

“Sam come on, I heard the man arriving.” He tries to break way but Sam stops him with a hand on his arm.  
“You aren’t even gonna give your best friend a hug before you get taken away from me forever?”  
“Oh go away Sam!” Steve laughs at the face Sam pulls but drags him into a tight hug anyway. “Neither of us are going anywhere. We’re stuck here for good.”  
“Alright if you say so.” Steve lets go with a pat on the back before bouncing to the door, Sam following behind, withering look and all.

Steve and Bucky meet at the head of the table, staff and friends seated, the vicar stood seemingly to watch over them.

The vicar was doing a very good job of pretending to squint down at the page, having claimed before the service that he had ‘lost his glasses’ and that he might accidentally ‘mix up the words as bride looks very like the word groom if you think about it’. Everybody appreciated his tact, and Steve and Bucky were glad he was nice enough to officiate the affair. It was rare that anybody would be so understanding about their relationship. Never mind somebody within the church.

Nobody was sure how Natasha had found him. But they were glad that she did.

Everybody was sitting still around the kitchen table, all in their Sunday best while Steve and Bucky stood at the head, Vicar framed by the large windows. The light framing them all beautifully. Steve and Bucky themselves were standing just in front of him, hands linked while the staff sat, grinning behind them as the Vicar pretended to stumble his way through the vows.

Steve was grinning so hard his glasses were going slightly askew, and his two hands were starting to sweat in Bucky’s one. But that didn’t matter. What did matter was the quiet and happy weeping from Trudy behind them, and the matching smiles on Sam and Natasha’s faces. Smug but happy.

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off Steve, the blonde was radiant in the mid morning sun, the beams illuminating his pale skin as Bucky mapped out the freckles he could later trace with his fingertips.

They’re too absorbed with one another to really hear what they’re saying, repeating the vicar as they say their vows, only conscious of the fact that they mean every word that they’re saying. And it’s only when the man gets to the end that they seem to snap out of it.

“I now pronounce you, husband and husband.” The vicar grins, looking away slightly as Steve and Bucky kiss, arms around one another as the table full of staff cheer, hands hammering on the tables, cutlery clattering.

Grinning, Steve breaks away, but not before Bucky can dive back in to give him another brief kiss on the lips, dipping him just enough to get a whistle from the crowd, the cheering getting even louder. Steve wouldn’t ever admit to being light headed with happiness, but Bucky has to leave his arm steady around Steve’s back when he tilts the blonde upright, nuzzling into Steve’s neck, making Steve laugh and squirm away before they sit down for the meal. A mixture of all their favourite food, loving prepared for the occasion.

The rings on their fingers glinted in the light, matching one another as they sat and ate, chairs as close as they possibly could be without Steve actually sitting in Bucky’s lap. Which, while tempting, was impractical at best. So they settled for bumping shoulders, oblivious to the conversation around them. Too wrapped up within one another.

Steve couldn’t believe it. Nine months of courting, nine months of jokes and laughter, curled conversations and whispered endearments, with feather light kisses peppered onto paper thin skin. And they were finally there. Sitting at the table, surrounded by friendly faces and good food. Married.

Bucky stands once the dessert’s finished, people reluctant to leave the table. “You know, this is a little silly. Considering it’s just us.” He chuckles, gesturing to everyone with his glass. “But I’m going to make a speech anyway.” He feels Steve lean against him, head resting on the side of Bucky’s hip.  
“Go on then!” Natasha goads, causing Bucky to turn and chuckle.  
“Alright alright.” He can feel the blush on his cheeks, but he carries on regardless. “Well, you’ve all known me for a long time. A very long time in some of your cases.” Trudy laughs at that, winking up at him “And you’ve been behind me a long time too. Which is why I’m so glad you’re all here today.” He sets his glass down, swallowing a little as he threads his fingers through Steve’s hair “I can’t think of another time where this would be appropriate. Us being husbands.” He doesn’t have to explain, they all knew what would happen if people found out. “And I’m very glad you’re all here. That you’ve stuck with us through the last year and a bit. Through our fights and idiocrasy.” He looks down at Steve who hunches a little, but smiles sheepishly over at the table. “And through our blatant disrespect for decency.”  
“I’ll say!” Sam howls, and Bucky blushes crimson, thinking of all the time the and Steve had been walked in on in compromising situations.  
“But anyway. I just wanted to say thank you all, for staying with us and being here. I know it means a lot.”

There’s more cheering, more laughing and some crying. But nobody says anything when Bucky hauls Steve up, leading him by the hand and leaving.

Whatever the crowd may have thought was going to happen, they weren’t going to interrupt.

Bucky leads Steve to the library, but there’s no rush as they meander slowly, and the door clicks quietly behind them before they’re sat down, facing each other in front of the fire that still had embers burning in the ashes. No matter the weather, there would always be a fire burning in the library and Steve and Bucky’s rooms at least. Because the house was draughty and cold, and nobody wanted Steve sick again. And if Bucky was the one to light the fires most of the time, and woke in the middle of the night to check them and keep them at least down to a glowing ember, nobody was going to say anything.

Bucky pokes at the flames, lighting them again before turning back to Steve, still looking. Both in the quiet.

“We’re married.” Steve whispers, into the silence. And the smile is evident in his tone as it spreads across his face. “Buck, we’re married!”  
“I know.” Bucky whispers back, grinning just as hard and leaning in, forehead gently bumping with his husbands. “I know.”

They stay like that, staring at each other with their foreheads resting together, grinning stupidly. Steve felt as though he would burst, just from the way Bucky was looking at him.

“Bloody hell we’re married!” Steve whispers again, followed up by a breathy laugh before surging forward, collapsing onto Bucky with a giggle, kissing furiously at Bucky’s face, over every piece of skin he can reach, giggling all the while. He gets his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, feeling the skin underneath his lips as he laughs, puffing air onto Bucky’s cheeks as he giggles.

Bucky himself just lies there, hand coming up to ruffle Steve’s suit at his waist, accepting the kisses with a laugh of his own, lying still until he quickly shifts himself and captures Steve’s lips in his own. Automatically, because Steve felt safe with Bucky, and Bucky knew that, Steve goes soft and quiet.

Practically falling into the kiss, Steve’s hands soften as Bucky runs his tongue along his bottom lip, teeth tugging gently at the skin before he could return the favour.  
“We’re married.” He mutters again, against the flush of Bucky’s cheek as the man laughs.  
“I know” Bucky leans up, leaving a gap for Steve to place his hand under the back of his neck as he kisses the blonde’s forehead. “Husband.”

Steve just rests his head there, right up underneath Bucky’s chin, hand resting underneath Bucky’s head to soften it on the floor while Bucky’s hand wormed its way under Steve’s suit. Large and warm on Steve’s side.

“No, now come on Stevie. If you want an after lunch nap, we at least need to move to the couch.”  
“Don’t wanna.” Steve speaks to Bucky’s chest, shaking his head.  
“Well we’ve gotta. Up, come on now.” Bucky shifts, rolling them both over to their sides so he can sit up, standing as Steve grumpily shuffles too. Bucky grins, privately to himself as Steve grumbles under his breath.

“You want help with your tie?” Steve eventually asks, shrugging his own jacket and tie off, looking relieved when he undoes the top button and shucks his shoes.  
“Yeah.” Smiling, like a dope because that’s what his Stevie did to him, he holds his chin up as Steve slowly works his tie off, leaving Bucky to undo his top button too so they can be more comfortable on the couch.

Steve climbs on first, lying flat straight as a board so that Bucky can curl up around him, back to the room. They were face to face, and they’re so used to doing this that they fit together perfectly, legs slotting together and arms going around one another. Both succumbing to sleep quickly as they sleep off their large celebratory lunches.

Natasha rouses them, hours later.  
“Come on love birds. You need to show face for a little bit. Or at least wake up so you can sleep later.”  
“Go away.” Bucky grumbles, burying his face in Steve’s hair. “Leave me and Stevie alone. It’s our wedding day.”  
“No.” Natasha pokes at Bucky until he wakes up, sitting up and dragging Steve with him so that they’re sat awkwardly. Steve’s staring blearing at Natasha, hands going to fix themselves firmly in Steve’s shirt so that he can grouch and grumble inaudibly into it.  
“Come on, the both of you.”  
"We’re staying here for a bit.” Bucky shifts himself, allowing Steve to shift comfortably into his lap, like cat.  
“Alright then.” Shrugging, Natasha leaves, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Steve shifts so that Bucky’s arm is firmly around his shoulders, snuggling deeper into the man’s chest.  
“You know, you could read to me. Could read those letters you first sent to me.” He says. Head butting Bucky gently. “Or you could write me more.”  
“I’m not writing you anymore letters punk. I tell you every damn thing I think about you.” The fact warms Steve to the core.  
“I know, but you have pretty writing.”  
“How about I just tell you huh?” Steve looks up at Bucky through his lashes, causing Bucky to look away with a blush high on his cheeks.  
“Maybe that’s for the best.” Steve shrugs, but he cuddles up deeper.  
“Alright, how about I start with the fact that I’m stupidly happy we’re married yeah?”

Bucky knew that the majority of what he’s saying is written down in a long letter in his bedside table, because Steve always liked his letters, and Bucky knew Steve had all of the notes Bucky gave him stashed away in his sketchbook.

But he tells his husband anyway. About all the things he loved about him. His Stevie. And Steve adds his own in turn, interrupting to tell Bucky about the way he loved how Bucky would laugh when he got an unexpected surprise. And both would stop to just stare, or share a kiss or lingering touch.

They were married. Things were going to work out. Everything was okay. They were married, for real this time. Not just for their convenience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh it's finally finished! I really wanted to carry this on longer, but due to circumstances I can't. However, I am going to be working on out takes/extras that will be up as I get everything together. Thankyou to everyone who read this, or commented or subscribed or left kudos. Especially since this was my first chaptered work up on here, it really helped me get everything up and carry on, even though mishaps happened and my updating got super spread out. So thank you all so much for reading and hopefully enjoying! I know I really enjoyed writing this, and can now say I could go on to hopefully write more chaptered stuff in the future.
> 
> As always I have a tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) so feel free to come and cry with me about Bucky whenever you feel like it! 
> 
> And again thanks for reading :)


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